I hate my teeth. From the time I was 10, they’ve been nothing but a source of aggravation and pain. Made to wear an assortment of heavy metal that probably attracted alien radio waves as a child, I came into adulthood without the nasty appliances only to be told that they caused erosion in my enamel from being on so long. I’ve endured root canals only to end up having the tooth extracted later, periodontal treatments, usually conducted by a female sadist who delights in telling me what a bad brusher I am (I’m NOT…it’s genetic, I tell you!) even as she’s scraping away at the inner recesses of my mouth and other indignities. The last dentist I saw informed me somewhat matter-of-factly that I should just have all of my remaining top teeth and half of my lowers extracted and wear dentures.
I have not been able to bring myself to that, imagining myself looking about 80 years old at night when I pull that thing out of my mouth. The price I pay for being unwilling to let go of my horrendous teeth has been to lose two back molars slowly and very painfully — the last finally gave it up this past Thursday night. Maybe it’s time for me to grow up and give in.
Maybe. Then I clicked into CNN.com this morning ( Adelphia has managed to munge my cable reception and won’t come to fix it till Wednesday), only to see Jeannie Moos’ piece on “Snap-on teeth” on the front page.
Good Lord. All this angst and people are actually getting designer teeth? What on earth was I thinking?
