It’s Saturday morning, which means that morning pug-walking duties belong to me, which also means that I will not be sneaking back to bed — I’m too awake now. Sticks and T are snoring upstairs, and Dancergirl is laid low with a nasty viral bronchitis. Clouds are gathering, the birds are hunkered down and another storm is looming on the horizon.
Randomly clicking through feeds this morning, Molly Holzschlag’s post about inventorying her life and fighting bitterness jumped out at me.
Some Background
I think Molly is amazing. I don’t know her, haven’t met her, but hope to meet her at some point in the future. However, when I decided to really LEARN the principles behind CSS and HTML last year I bought every single one of her books I could find, because all of the other books I read referred back to her books. Even though my career is in an entirely unrelated field to web design, I do enough volunteer sites that I wanted a clear understanding of how to get under the hood and tweak them so that they looked professional even if an amateur was the one designing and maintaining them. Also, the website I work for as the second job was redesigning their site to bring it up to web standards.
Molly’s books have the best spot on the bookshelf and are the most dog-eared, because I actually use them all the time.
But that’s not the only reason I think Molly is amazing. She’s passionate, smart, one of the highest-profile women in the field of web standards and design, yet amazingly human and transparent. Someone who isn’t afraid to put their whole heart out there despite being (at least among the web glitterati) a public figure. Someone who takes the time to comment on a total stranger’s blog and give encouragement.
If you had to pin me down and force me to name only two women that I truly admire for who they are as well as what they do, it would be Nancy White and Molly Holzschlag. There are others, but these are the ones I call leaders.
There are others, but you would not find their names familiar, nor would you name them as being in the forefront of the ‘web leaders’. Unfortunately.
What follows is a reply to her – it’s long and diverse. These are thoughts that I’ve meant to blog on for awhile and Molly’s post just brought it all together. While the replies are directed toward her specific post, they’re also my own thoughts on these topics that have been rolling around for the past month or so and would have found their way into a post here sooner or later. Forgive the length — I hope it’s worth reading, at least.
On Leadership, Accolades and Achievement
…one feeling remains with me, and that’s the nagging sense that my contributions to the success of the Web design and development field, the people in it, and the progress of the Web itself are in fact under if downright unacknowledged, accolades or not.
Molly, I agree with you on that. Many, many women have contributed to the success of the web, web companies, web growth, web standards, web communities, yet if you read the Technorati 100 or subscribe to Memeorandum (which I just recently dropped from my feeds), you’d think the world and particularly the Internet was run by men, for men and about men.
It’s an interesting phenomenon. From my perspective, women are the driving force of online community with one notable exception, which is, of course, the tech area where the men dominate. Lately the men don’t seem to be doing a terrific job at it, either. I dumped a ton of subscriptions this week because I was tired of reading and re-reading the squabbles between Dave Winer and various others, including the whines flying around between ‘the top geeks’ over Mike Arrington’s lunch with Bill Gates. Good grief. Go duke it out in a bar somewhere, boys, it’s unbecoming and certainly not inviting.
Yet, women do have a voice that’s growing — Blogher is witness to that.
Are you underacknowledged? Yes. But don’t let that take away from what you’ve done and have left to do. There are people out there who would have no access to the web if it weren’t for the standards, methods and procedures that give them access despite handicaps and disabilities – standards you helped develop and more importantly, educate others about.
Architects are often overlooked in favor of the occupants of the house. This is true for you, too, but the house stands long after the occupants leave it.
I want to better understand why it took me 32 books before one ever got the broad attention that Zen of CSS Design has gotten. Were they lesser books? …That the influence of my writing has relevance isn’t the question, rather, why I had to work much, much harder at gaining that place in the sun than anyone.
Are these failings part of a personality or behavioral defect on my part? Did I just do things the wrong way? Is it because I’m a woman? Older? Unmarried and therefore status irrelevant? You tell me, because the things I come up with are pretty much all the ingredients of an unpleasantly tart mix.
Here’s an answer from a consumer: The Zen of CSS Design had the visual appeal and challenge for the readers to take the lessons learned, apply them, and receive recognition for them. Your other books are the tools in the toolbox that brings us to the Zen conclusion. Honestly, I bought Zen first and then the others. Does that devalue the others? Just the opposite — it makes them that much more valuable.
Here’s something else: You are a forward-thinker. You’re light-years ahead of the general populace on this stuff. By the time they (we) got a clue, you were already on to the next challenge.
As to the keynote thing, I don’t know. I still have your keynote on my iPod because I thought it was great and keep it for days when I need some inspiration. Other keynotes I’ve listened to since have been long deleted.
The Money Thing
Which leads me to your next bitter pill — the money thing. (There must be something in the air this week — Denise had a money post this week, too).
I bought into the ideologies of my generation and thought that giving for the sake of giving should be reward enough of its own. If that’s true, and I’m feeling this way, does that make me a bad and selfish human?
We’re in the same generation, you and I. Don’t confuse a desire to be out from under financial pressure with selfishness. It’s not selfish to want a comfortable future, financial rewards for hard work or a debt-free life.
I struggle all the time with this question, because I do way too much for free or for much less than it’s worth. Is this because I’m unselfish or because I am not confident enough in my vision of my worth? If I don’t believe I’m worth more, why should others?
Colors of Grass, and Grief
This is a sorrow of huge proportions and despite my best problem-solving abilities, do not know how to heal the wounds and fill the empty womb of sorrow I carry with me every day.
I’m so sorry you’re grieving this. Lean on your friends a little, let them help. My friend Swamphag had dreams of a life and a knight, too — dreams that got shattered last year when he died suddenly. Read her blog — she’s working through it and maybe something there will help you.
Gender has nothing to do with it
The fact remains that I feel what I feel, and I’m asking for your insight as to what I can do to rise above this sense of utter failure at being human, this despair born of loss, this sense that had I been a man, or smarter, or more innovative, or thinner and prettier, or fill in the blank, that I wouldn’t be sitting at the edge of a precipice looking down at the sea of bitterness ready to slip off that edge and end up an old, unhappy woman who looks back at her life and berates herself and everyone around her for it not going her way.
Okay, time for a deep breath. I don’t buy this “if I were a man things would be different” stuff. We are who we are. We are products of our generation, our attitudes, our resolve. I don’t think thin, pretty, or female has anything to do with it. At the end of the day, we make our own choices and I can name at least five that haven’t been good for me that were in my control. I can think of another five that have been really good for me. I can think of five more things I want to do in this lifetime to make the world better and give me some satisfaction. None will bring me recognition, accolades, or money. They will, however, give me a sense of personal satisfaction.
This isn’t a gender thing. This is purely about where you are, where you want to be, and what purpose you see for your life.
All of us, male and female, have our own set of roadblocks, blinders and gifts. I believe it’s up to us to take all of those and consider what we view to be our purpose.
A hundred years from now the history books will not record the fact that DrumsNWhistles lived a relatively obscure life in a small town on the central coast of California, had three kids who had their own list of achievements, had a hand in building two separate and large Internet communities, and made websites for churches, dance schools, band boosters and her family. There will be no books listed in the Library of Congress with my name on them.
Nevertheless, I derive a great deal of satisfaction in those accomplishments and wouldn’t trade them for the listing in the Library of Congress.
A hundred years from now, books about the history and development of the Internet will point to the contributions of Molly. Those books won’t list those contributions as one that “a woman” made. They’ll just credit the foundation-builders of the Internet for what it was in the early 21st century. There will be more than 20 book listings in the library of Congress with Molly’s name on them. There will be early recordings of keynote speeches that Molly gave.
Isn’t it time to derive some satisfaction in those accomplishments today, Molly?
If You’ve Gotten This Far…
What do you want to be in 100 years?
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