Tara Hunt writes about overcoming the fear of unfamous“:

And I was afraid. I was always afraid. At the rank of 16,500 (I think it was), I was deadly afraid that people would stop reading me, I would slip down in the rankings and nobody would link to me ever again. I call that time my ‘dark ages’.

…when she received this advice…

…blog like you have 2 readers…and the fear melted away for me.

It was so freeing. It was so inspirational. And some of my crazy assbest ideas have sprung from that well of knowledge. The rants came back. The cat-blogging came back (although I don’t have a cat now, my ‘life online’ stories are my equivalent). The ‘I’m a big goof’ posts started to make their appearance. And I love blogging again. I’m afraid no more. I could give a damn if my numbers slip.

Sassymonkey’s musings (at midnight) weave another theme around it:

We look in the mirror and we see our “flaws” but have a hard time saying what we like about our appearance. We can rhyme off a dozen of our failures but struggle to talk about our accomplishments and often only do so when pressed. And even then oft times we do our best to reduce them. “Really, it was nothing,” we say. And when someone does stand up and say “Hey! I did this and it was TERRIFIC!” we quickly get out our bitch-o-matics and bring them down.

Tara’s post clearly illustrates the pitfalls of “fame”, the inhibitions that come with it, the shifted focus. Sassymonkey’s post illustrates the other side — the weird need to minimize ours and others’ accomplishments — the dreaded “bitch-o-matic”. What a perfectly descriptive phrase.

Denise’s reaction to my post on Culture and Celebrity was surprising to me — she read it as an effort to criticize or minimize others’ accomplishments.

Haven’t you ever wanted to meet someone you respected and admired for their work? Haven’t you ever squealed with delight when you were able to meet someone like that? Or have you never felt an attachment of that nature so you simply can’t understand it and so must try and convince others that their feelings are somehow wrong or even harmful?

So Denise’s questions sort of suggest that I took the bitch-o-matic approach. If I did, it was a secret bitch hiding deep in my unconscious that I was heretofor unaware of, because I honestly felt no urge to tear anyone down at all…I had questions and hoped for answers or a discussion (which we’ve definitely been having) She has questions, too. Here are my answers:

1. Haven’t you ever wanted to meet someone you respected and admired for their work?

   Yes. Fortunately for me, I have that opportunity on a daily basis. Some of the people I most respect and admire for their work, their persistence, their ability to overcome, their passion, are people I see, work with and/or interact with every day.

2. Haven’t you ever squealed with delight when you were able to meet someone like that?

   Well, no. Not really. See my answer to your next question for the reason why.

3. Or have you never felt an attachment of that nature so you simply can’t understand it and so must try and convince others that their feelings are somehow wrong or even harmful?

   Failing to squeal should not immediately be cause to assume that I’m some kind of narcissist with a bitch-o-matic in one hand and a need to bury people. How did we make the leap from failing to squeal to convincing others feelings are harmful? I asked questions and expressed a desire for lower heat on the celebrity culture at an event like Blogher. As far as my lack of understanding goes, I’d say it’s less a question of understanding and more a demystification in my mind of the notion of celebrity.

   Yes, there are gifted people who have lots of recognition, even fame. There are other gifted people who don’t. It doesn’t make them less deserving, just less famous. Sometimes “fame” is having the right talent in the right place at the right time — a synergy of time, technology, touch and talent with a large dose of dedication and work included. I don’t squeal for either group, but I surely appreciate what they do. What provokes me about your final question is this idea that the only people worthy of recognition are those already recognized, and to fail to properly recognize them or adopt the acceptable method of recognition (squealing) is to somehow launch an effort to tear them down.

Here’s my final conclusion: There’s a lot of work for me to do on learning to be a woman who encourages and doesn’t tear down others. I may not squeal for you, but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or admire you. It just means I don’t squeal. You might be someone who has an audience of two, but you write or photograph or sing or play an instrument or get in the trenches and help people or organize or are intensely passionate or whatever….I admire you just as much as the woman (or man) who’s in that Technorati 100 list and writes or photographs or sings or plays an instrument or gets in the trenches and helps people or organizes or is intensely passionate or smart or whatever.

I foreswear my bitch-o-matic in favor of fostering a culture of quiet admiration and emulation. After all, isn’t imitation the sincerest form of flattery?

Technorati Tags: bloghercon, women, fame