Photo Credit: TVNZ
What happened to Liam Ashley?
New Zealander Liam Ashley was 17 when he died on August 25th. His funeral was yesterday. Liam had been diagnosed with ADHD and associated learning disabilities and was in the throes of a teenage rebellion which was on the verge of going completely out of control.
The youngest of 4 children, Liam was clearly making impulsive and destructive choices, including taking his mother’s car without permission. This act apparently followed a couple of others which had propelled him into the juvenile justice system. None of them were serious but they definitely indicated a pattern of impulsive, reckless, rebellious acts. His parents were at the end of their rope and chose to allow Liam to discover the serious consequences of New Zealand’s criminal justice system.
On August 24th Liam appeared before a magistrate and pled guilty to 6 of 9 charges.
Ashley was offered bail at his court hearing on Thursday but the family said they decided that the best course of action was to entrust Liam to the New Zealand justice system and let him experience first-hand the serious effects of breaking the law as an adult.
Instead he was remanded to jail for two weeks, pending sentencing. During that hearing his attorney specifically requested that he be segregated from older inmates after Liam expressed concerns about being bullied. That request was denied, because the magistrate believed he would be in a group of inmates under 20. (transcript of 8/24 hearing)
While being transported to the jail, Liam was beaten to the brink of death by a 25-year old inmate in the van. The driver of the van and accompanying guard could not stop the van to find out what was happening (it was grounds for losing their job) nor could they intervene in any way. Upon arrival at the prison, they discovered Liam near death as the 25-year old inmate bragged that he had “broken his neck”. (See Video of testimony)
Liam died on Friday, August 25th after his parents elected to have his life support removed.
Don’t blame the parents
My heart goes out to Liam’s parents. They will live with this outcome — completely unexpected — for the rest of their lives. No responsible parent that I know would willingly place their child in a deadly situation to teach them a lesson. I do believe that these parents thought they were doing the best they could to raise a child in circumstances that were often overwhelming, frustrating, and maddening.
They were trying to show their son what real life would deal him. ToughLove, sort of. But see the ToughLove organization’s comments about this case — this was not a consequence they would have recommended, according to their spokesman. Still, it’s clear from the transcript and the reports that his parents were turning to New Zealand’s criminal justice system to help them with their son, to teach him a lesson about living within the laws and limits.
Still, don’t blame the parents, because the killer was the inmate who thought he’d beat up a kid half his size and 7 years younger because he had something to prove.
Different Answers; Different Outcomes?
Just about on a daily basis I read commentary and articles denouncing either the ADHD diagnosis or the benefits of medication.
Yet here is a kid who has been diagnosed with ADHD but is apparently not medicated, who has learning disabilities as well but isn’t in school, who is by all accounts a “great kid” who was experiencing teenage bumps in his road, and the only option that his parents thought they had was to turn him over to the justice system.
Why didn’t they think medication was an option? Maybe they did and he didn’t take it. That’s certainly a possibility.
But for the moment, I want you to consider the consequences — tragic, needless consequences — of unmanaged ADHD. Whether he was medicated or not medicated, he was clearly in a place where his ADHD was not managed.
From the New Zealand News article:
Liam Ashley was the youngest of four. A second uncle, Peter Ashley, held up a recent family portrait…
“He was gentle and kind, always a challenge, full of life and energy and just wanted to have plenty of fun and excitement…
Ashley worked as a car cleaner at Milano International, a car importing company run by his father. (My emphasis added)
Please, please…if you’re reading this and struggling with how best to manage your child’s ADHD, listen.
Learn about ADHD, what it is, and all the different ways to manage it. Don’t rule out medications but don’t assume they’re a miracle “cure” either. If you decide against medications, please develop and implement an ADHD management plan that includes lots of structure and behavior modification earlier rather than later. If you decide to include medications as part of the management plan, don’t forget the behavior modification part, too, because ADHD isn’t something that is medicated away. The medications give us the ability to learn life management skills. They don’t magically cure us of our disorganization or impulsive acts, but we do learn to manage them, and learn better ways to cope than self-destruction.
Most of all, find a way for them to succeed. My next post will be a celebration of ADHD teens who are succeeding. I can’t help thinking that part of what was going on with Liam was that he felt worthless and unsuccessful. Going to jail must have just reinforced that.
If you don’t have ADHD, it’s really difficult to understand why we do some of the things we do. There’s a temptation to think that we’re either willful or bent on destruction. But really, it’s not that at all. There have been times in my life where I’ve stood on the brink of self-destruction because I truly believed in the depths of my heart that I was worthless and a disgrace. When you believe that about yourself it becomes so easy to just walk across that line and do whatever you want just because you can and it feels so good while you’re doing it. The adrenaline becomes an escape from the sense of worthlessness.
If there are areas in kids’ lives where they succeed, it’s much less more difficult to sink into the worthlessness trap. I am not talking about successes that are huge. I am really talking about tapping into what they’re passionate about and encouraging them, nurturing them and mentoring them into making that passion something they value more than the high of breaking the rules.
It works. I have proof. More on that in the next post.
Rest in peace, Liam. To Liam’s family, I pray that you will find comfort and peace in the coming days and not let bitterness eat at you. To Liam’s killer, I hope that you also find justice and a spirit of repentance for your needless waste of a life.
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