I have an affinity for fortune cookies. I love the crunch, the not-too-sweet taste, the funky shape, all of it. So when we get Chinese food I always buy extra fortune cookies and hoard them for times where everyone else is asleep and I can eat them without the danger of DG snarfing them all before my eyes.

The only problem with fortune cookies is the lame fortunes in them. DG gets fortunes that say “You’ll travel and be successful” or “Something great will happen.” Mine? Not so great. Here’s a sampling of tonight’s fortune cookie orgy:

• The best way to get rid of an enemy is to take him as a friend. (Advice for Mitt Romney?)
• You out distance all competitors. (Perhaps this one was Hillary Clinton’s and I got it by mistake?)
• Trust others, but still keep your eyes open. (What should have been our mantra with the mainstream media this week)
• Put up with small annoyances to gain great results. (Maybe this one was Barack Obama’s and I got it by mistake?)
• Your sensitivity is an asset. (Tell that to my kids, who get tired of hearing “Get over it.”)
• You are a practical person with your feet on the ground. (Oh yeah, THIS is a compliment…)
• Work on improving your exercise routine. (Tell my back that. It’s having its own rebellion and doesn’t want to exercise.)

Now you know how many fortune cookies I munched while reading with my brand-spankin’ new hi-tech heating pad wrapped around me like a straitjacket. And you know my lame fortune. DG travels and has great success. I’m practical with my feet on the ground and flats on my feet to nurse my rebellious back. Sheesh.

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