This post is not about politics, at least, not about politics in the sense that I’m going to argue for or against a specific candidate or platform or even party. This post is about life in our bipartisan household, or how we survive in spite of being political opposites, which do not attract under many circumstances.

BD is a lifelong Republican; I am a lifelong Democrat. Well, mostly lifelong, except for when I was 13 and rebellious and ran off with my friends in our very, very conservative neighborhood to help them campaign for Richard Nixon in 1972. As recently as two weeks ago, my beloved uncle who loves and respects BD but cannot understand how I could possibly marry a Republican and look myself in the mirror every morning, cast that transgression at my feet. In front of my daughter, no less. I reminded him that it was teenage rebellion and there were sure a hell of a lot worse things I could have done than campaign for Nixon. He doesn’t think so. To this day, it rankles and so my uncle can never resist a needle when he has the chance. Unfortunately, he speaks with a high degree of moral authority in the political department, having spent 30 years in the Foreign Service, beginning in the Nixon administration and ending with the Clinton administration.

My family and I are not quiet Democrats, either. We do things like work for campaigns, and watch debates, and listen to stump speeches, and blurt things out in the middle of the nightly news like “Will we ever be rid of that evil Bush and his little Cheney, too? And we don’t stop there, because I was also raised to understand that just as parents have a duty to instill morals and ethics into their children, so too should we enter their names in the rolls of the Democratic party the day they are eligible to register to vote.

This is not optional. On their birth certificates, it is written Democrat by design. It is as fundamental to my family as raising children in the Church is to Catholics. On Sticks’ 18th birthday he got his drivers’ license and registered Democrat. It was my birthday present. Seriously.

Still I married a Republican and so we had to figure out how to negotiate a standing truce when it came to politics. I am convinced was only possible because my husband is an incredibly tolerant and confident man who does not believe I am insulting him personally when I look at him with hurt eyes and say things like “I can’t believe you voted for Bush. Twice.” And then I remember all of the times that I was incredibly tolerant and confident when he looked at me with mocking eyes and said things like “I’m sorry Bill Clinton’s blowjob turned into an impeachment. Really, it’s too bad.” I knew he was trying to say that he shared my pain, but my pain was nothing compared to the anger I had about a blowjob becoming an impeachment in the first place, and besides, I suspected there was a little bit of inward satisfaction gained with that meaningless gesture of sympathy.

The reason our 20-year marriage is as strong as it is because of the Internet. Because as long as we have the Internet, I have a place to say (he would say “spew”) all of the things that he’d have to listen to if I didn’t have it. All of the cheerleading, all of the criticism, everything that goes into a political season, goes to the Internets instead of his face. When he sees me typing furiously during the nightly news I’m sure he heaves an inward sigh of relief that he never has to know what I’m writing. I somehow doubt that he’s ever even peeked out of morbid curiosity, because he’s the kind of guy that would never be that curious.

We both agreed many years ago to be intellectually honest about our politics and to respect one anothers’ opinion. I confess that the intellectual honesty part is easier for me than respecting opinions has been, especially over the last eight years. But I try, I really do. When we find common ground it’s a reason to break out the ice cream and celebrate, because it’s not there very often but when it is, it’s usually on an issue like global warming, or energy conservation, or something really major that we can completely agree upon.

So far this season has been unusually peaceful. We agree on the war, and Hillary Clinton, at least to the extent that he doesn’t froth at the sound of her name and I don’t wave the flag in his face over her. That’s something. We agree on reducing dependence on foreign oil, and we even agree that healthcare reform has to be a priority this year. I’m starting to wonder if he’s secretly leaning toward becoming a Democrat.

What I do know is that his absentee ballot is still on the table, unopened. Here’s something else I know, but shhhh, it’s an undisclosed secret still… That ballot is not a Republican ballot this year, for the first time ever.

I know why I love this man. It’s that intellectual honesty thing. He may be a Republican in his heart, but he’s ready for change, too. There’s always hope, anyway.

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