The typical distance of most VA resources from the Vet is why having their telephone number was the suggestion. The suggestion is really intended more as a resource for his girlfriend, if he chooses to live with her after the end of the month. It's not for the VA to provide “treatment.” Vets like to do what they can for other Vets, so the VA usually can cooridinate spouse's, girlfriends's, or boyfriend's of Vet to those other Vets.

As I said, it's very subtle and a person almost has to be a Vet to understand how it all works, which I am not.

From the actions described in your blog post, what you DID certainly IS the right thing. The rest is up to him and him alone.

I desperately love the line, “pain is the only pathway to a life of constructive living instead of the self-destructive bent you’ve been on.” One of the bonuses but difficulties of being the kind of mom you (& mine) are is that ability to see your children as we could be, not necessarily as we are. You've seen the proof on my blog that my mom & I have been restored to each other; she's also the reason I wasn't even more self-destructive. Trust me, you've already made a difference. However, he's the only one that can fertilize the seed you've planted & fed. My mum & I do celebrate my recovery as another birthday — I began my new life 11 August 1986 & was damn excited the year, not too long ago, that I'd lived as long since as before.

Here's a poem I wrote on my 22nd REbirthday: Rebirth

(|_|*to new beginnings*|_|)
“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” ~ William James
PS: I'm not only Momma's eldest but it was 'her & I against the world' at the beginning. Take heart. Consider yourself hugged..

What I hope: That he doesn't sink into 'victim mode' but hears what I said with the spirit it was intended. We'll see…all of the support from you guys has been a huge encouragement to me. I know I did the right thing. It was hard, but it was right.

Karoli, I cannot think of the right words right now.

So, I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts.

{{{{HUGE HUG}}}}

I'm not so sure that you're being fair to yourself to say that you made a choice to look the other way. Sometimes trained, objective professionals can be fooled. How could someone with the emotional ties a mother has be expected to be so detached as to make a deliberate choice to overlook what only becomes obvious on a January morning in 2009! You can't. Instead, you've given him ALL the tools to work through this if HE makes that choice, which he will. The only question is when.

It's great that he has a loving girlfriend …maybe. I hope she has the number for the local VA. If there's one area where the VA has a long history of knowledge and experience, it's understanding the complexities of a former soldier's relationship with alcohol and how it affects their loved ones. While the VA may not be adequately funded to have enough staff to meet this mission for every Vet, there are many organizations of Veterans who volunteer to fill the gap.

Richard and I have both seen how they work their magic. It's subtle, very subtle, and all it takes is a phone call – but let her make the call if he doesn't. You've already laid a solid foundation for him. His fellow Vets can help him build the floor.