Comments on: Dear Eldest

By: ursulas

ursulas — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 12:07:21 +0000

Here's to the outcome! It will work out! I believe he has a great mom. Just remember to be good to yourself in the process.

By: strictly (strictlyanything)

strictly (strictlyanything) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 11:04:26 +0000

gutsy gutsy gutsy http://bit.ly/EWWk well done @karoli

By: ursulas

ursulas — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 05:07:21 +0000

Here's to the outcome! It will work out! I believe he has a great mom. Just remember to be good to yourself in the process.

By: editormom

editormom — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:07:33 +0000

Karoli, you are a brave mother. I hope that your son has learned bravery from you. Hugs to both of you.

By: Karoli

Karoli — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 13:45:00 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your poem. It inspires more than you possibly know. Today is a new day, let's hope and pray he sees it so.

By: WebPixie

WebPixie — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 13:42:59 +0000

Most VA's are HUNDREDS of miles away. My comment was certainly not intended to suggest the VA as any kind of medical resource for someone in "victim mode," as you describe it. That's not how it works.

The typical distance of most VA resources from the Vet is why having their telephone number was the suggestion. The suggestion is really intended more as a resource for his girlfriend, if he chooses to live with her after the end of the month. It's not for the VA to provide "treatment." Vets like to do what they can for other Vets, so the VA usually can cooridinate spouse's, girlfriends's, or boyfriend's of Vet to those other Vets.

As I said, it's very subtle and a person almost has to be a Vet to understand how it all works, which I am not.

From the actions described in your blog post, what you DID certainly IS the right thing. The rest is up to him and him alone.

By: Karoli

Karoli — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:26:00 +0000

{{{HUG BACK}}} Your own story was part of what helped me gather the resolve to do this. Now we hope for a positive outcome…

By: Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)

Dorian aka coffeesister |_|) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:04:50 +0000

Take it from someone who was a teenage alcoholic, we continue because we can & never question that we can while we are; alcoholism mixed w/the audacity of youth creates an even stronger sense of being indestructible (not to mention uniquely justified). Even if you could help him stop, no matter how long it lasted, it would NOT be lasting for true change is impossible til sought by the one changing. Right you are that consequences are key -- for me, it was not graduating that slowed me down long enough to disprove the need to drink (as much) to function. By the grace of God, that then led to my one & only bad (to me) experience w/drinking which opened the door to doubt -- just enough to accept a challenge much like the one you're now giving your son.

I desperately love the line, "pain is the only pathway to a life of constructive living instead of the self-destructive bent you’ve been on." One of the bonuses but difficulties of being the kind of mom you (& mine) are is that ability to see your children as we could be, not necessarily as we are. You've seen the proof on my blog that my mom & I have been restored to each other; she's also the reason I wasn't even more self-destructive. Trust me, you've already made a difference. However, he's the only one that can fertilize the seed you've planted & fed. My mum & I do celebrate my recovery as another birthday -- I began my new life 11 August 1986 & was damn excited the year, not too long ago, that I'd lived as long since as before.

Here's a poem I wrote on my 22nd REbirthday: Rebirth

(|_|*to new beginnings*|_|)
"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." ~ William James
PS: I'm not only Momma's eldest but it was 'her & I against the world' at the beginning. Take heart. Consider yourself hugged..

By: Karoli

Karoli — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 06:27:50 +0000

WebPixie, thank you for those thoughts. They're very helpful. Our 'local' VA is many miles from here, but I have also suggested it as a resource, along with AA. He wlll now have to make his decision.

What I hope: That he doesn't sink into 'victim mode' but hears what I said with the spirit it was intended. We'll see…all of the support from you guys has been a huge encouragement to me. I know I did the right thing. It was hard, but it was right.

By: ursulas

ursulas — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 05:57:06 +0000

Lump in my throat.

Karoli, I cannot think of the right words right now.

So, I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts.

{{{{HUGE HUG}}}}