Once again words are tossed around the Internet without much regard for the harm they do. This debate started over the weekend (as most of them do), and rages on. Two and a half years after Kathy Sierra’s withdrawal from the Internet, I’m still writing about the same stuff. I suppose I will be until I decide it’s not worth the effort or things change.
It’s somewhat bittersweet to write about this today, given the news that @megapixel, aka Megan Porter, died last week in a head-on collision on a Texas highway. She was 24 years old. She was someone I didn’t follow regularly, but intersected with via others who did. It is a stark and pointed reminder that those words floating up on your screen emanate from real people in real time who get into real cars and might not come back alive. It’s worth keeping in mind. I’d like to think that the last thing I said to someone online or face-to-face would be something kind, or encouraging, after all. Not everyone agrees.
This is Mike Arrington with Robert Scoble in the background at the Building43 launch party on June 11th. The party was in Mike’s offices, and I took this picture as Mike was congratulating Robert on the launch and we all were congratulating Mike on Techcrunch’s 4th anniversary. I have reacted negatively more than once to Mike’s pronouncements about web innovations or services that I value. The strength of my reaction came from the knowledge that Arrington carries the power to make or break these sites with what he says, and my perception that he didn’t use that power wisely.
I had an interesting conversation with Mike at the party. It started with me walking up and introducing myself. We all had name tags, so my identity wasn’t a deep secret. My introduction was brief, gave him my name, reminded him that I had been part of Newsgang, and told him face to face that while I rarely agreed with his tone or his opinions, I didn’t agree with anyone tossing epithets, death threats or spit his way, and he had my support and empathy for the way it made him feel.
It was a brief, almost terse conversation. I’m not certain he ever fully engaged, but I also sense that he isn’t someone who really thrives in social environments where one feels like they can’t fully trust the person standing in front of them. At the end of our conversation we parted with my telling him that having met him face to face, it was unlikely that I would be as quick to judge what he said or how he said it, because once there is a voice and a demeanor to go alongside the face on the avatar, 2 dimensions become 3, and it is far more difficult to go off at the snap of a word or phrase. An interesting coda to that conversation came a bit later, where he reminded me that I was an asshole, which I denied, but did own the fact that I could be a bitch. (As far as I know, that exchange was completely tongue-in-cheek, by the way)
Then there’s Robert Scoble. Robert is a guy who is completely comfortable in a group of strangers. He may be the exact opposite of Mike in that respect. It’s why he’s so good at what he does, too. He’s smart, engaging, and enjoys the energy of the crowd. He loves community, talking, engagement, and a party.
Seeing the two of them at odds with each other is jarring. Shocking even. Yet, after Mike wrote a post for Techcrunch comparing the real time conversation on Friendfeed to a spreading case of syphilis threatening to rot the community and the Internet as a whole, Robert pushed back, and he pushed back hard. In Robert’s mind, Mike was stirring up a pot that didn’t need stirring in order to raise some buzz around the real-time conference he’s involved with on July 10th. To Robert’s credit, he has made moves toward reconciliation with Mike, but the mobs on both sides of the conflict need to stand down.
Steve Gillmor, earlier today:
We need to fix this problem, whether it’s called realtime or social media, or whatever. We need to recognize that words mean something, and those that are thrown casually or viciously carry the same force as weapons. As a community, we must begin to own that responsibility, to make it clear that disagreement can be expressed without name calling, that fighting for innovation and progress does not excuse ugliness and slander, that we live in a world where news travels fast and emotions faster. We need to own our words, and we need to help each other to understand when we go too far.
Me, on March 27, 2007, with regard to Kathy Sierra:
My question: How can we create communities where button-pushing is no longer the norm, where it is no longer acceptable to be so outrageous, so utterly off-the-wall-outside-the-limit, and where everyone is mindful of the impact a word, a label or a button can have on the community and on the collaboration?
Me again, on March 29, 2007, with regard to the mobs that formed:
Let’s take this out of the context of one person and put it into the larger and longer-lasting context. It’s time to stop shrugging and assume that this “goes with the territory” or should simply be dismissed. It’s time to start actually defining what it means to be self-regulating. When people say that the blogosphere is self-correcting, it shouldn’t have to make that correction after it’s turned to critical mass.
The good news? We do have better tools to handle this kind of behavior today. Really powerful tools rest in the hands of users, rather than faceless moderators. More on that in the next post, but to me, the question has evolved from one of what tools we need to one we can most effectively use the tools we have to promote positive discussion and contribution across this vast plain we call the Internet.
In the end though, it comes down to age-old questions of personal responsibility and ownership. Certain social contracts exist in every community, on and offline. Don’t leave trash on your neighbor’s lawn. Wipe your muddy feet on the mat outside, especially before walking into a house with white carpet. Turn the music down after 10pm. Don’t call your host a douchebag. Remember the manners your parents taught you. Have gratitude for what people do, even if you disagree or suspect their motives. Above all, be responsible with what you say and how you say it.
It really is as simple as that. Really.
