That’s what Kristine says and I agree…

My theory is that the evening news is having a deleterious effect on everyone, kids and adults alike. After all, when everyone is yelling at everyone else on the news — pundit, candidate and surrogate alike — what do we think the kids are going to do?

Earlier on Twitter I posted my own spiral into meltdown mode. I’ve recovered, but only barely.

Technorati Tags: kids, control, candidates, news, insanity

Dear Mommybloggers,

When I first started blogging, two groups emerged for me immediately: tech bloggers and mommybloggers. The first because I had no clue as to what I was doing and so looked to the ‘big blogger names’ as a guide; the second because their topics at least touched on my ADHD theme, despite the fact that I was actually a little bit apart from their demographic — older with a teen and preteen.

At the time, I had no idea that there was any kind of negativity attached to the term ‘mommyblogger’, and I use it in this post as a complimentary, not derogatory term, though there still seems to be a sense that the term is too limiting, too pigeonholed. Tonight on Twitter that very subject came up in this question:

“Tell me, is ‘Mommyblogger’ still a negative term in the Social Media space? Has it changed? Do you still look down? Be truthful.”

Your responses were swift and forceful, ranging from surprise that the term has ever been viewed negatively to yes, there still are those who view it as a negative term. And honestly, my surprise comes in the form of incredulity that anyone can put a negative to that term.

Jenn Satterwhite wrote a great post on BlogHer tonight, placing the question in the context of two other mommybloggers who have a high and respected profile in the blogosphere and the Momocrats’ smackdown of racist pigs yesterday. She applauds. So do I.

The value of a term like mommyblogger is this: It identifies a very powerful and vocal demographic — a group of thinking, tech-savvy, engaged women. Women committed today to raising their kids, but also raising their kids in the context of what it means to live in today’s world. Working moms, stay at home moms, self-employed moms, writer moms, political moms, religious moms, moms coping with autism, moms knitting, military moms, moms coping with their own illness while raising their kids — the gamut. Moms committed to community, both virtual and ‘real-life’, to others, and to service. That’s who you are, that’s who mommybloggers are.

The real benefit of being part of a larger community called ‘mommybloggers’ is the power that comes with the rise of collective voices. Power to change things. Power to be heard. Power to have a direct positive impact on the world, on products, on the environment, on the world our kids live in, the world we live in. It’s not a name; it’s a community and one you should be proud of.

So take it out and wear it, show it off, love it, own it. Isn’t it cool to have influence?

Technorati Tags: community, blogher, mommyblogger

Yesterday was the Eldest’s 27th birthday. DG is 14 in a week — my baby.
With all of them shoehorned in here, I feel like the old woman in the shoe. It’s one thing to have three kids in the house when they’re kids. When they’re adults and teens, it’s a whole different proposition.

Sticks holes up in his room with regularity, reluctant to come down and be part of the group ever since the girlfriend popped back into his life just before Christmas. He speaks grunt; I’m learning to live with it. Eldest is at least trying to be part of the cooperative effort, and the brightest spot in all of our days is DG, who is starting to show her thinking, funny, cool self daily. I like that. We all do, except for Sticks, who doesn’t like much of anything we do these days unless it’s for him.

It’s almost worth it to me to send him down to the dorms. I think we probably will try and do that next semester, because this is definitely not working for me.

I think I’m suffering from parenting overload. In some ways it’s harder now than it was when they were little, because when they were little I knew what was my responsibility and what wasn’t. But this is like getting all the work with none of the reward.

I’m on a downer tonight. I’m sure I’ll feel differently tomorrow.

Dear judges at Saturday’s Irish Dance competition:

Quit screwing with my kid. This isn’t sour grapes; it’s a sincere appeal for you to earn what you’re paid and give these kids at least a little tiny bit of feedback in exchange for their performance.

Saturday’s competition results were disappointing, but not because of the place you gave her. They were disappointing because you couldn’t be bothered to give her one single word of feedback. Not one. As a result, she had no idea what she did or did not do. Her teacher wasn’t there to critique her either, so she came away feeling like crap with no idea of what she should do to improve.

Her words, not mine: “If they’re going to place me there, they could at least tell me why.”

The only sport that seems to ignore the fact that there is a recession is Irish Dance. With the ridiculously expensive dresses, the expectation that at the Open level, international travel is a requirement for local success, and the insane fashion trends that no one gives a rip about but the little darlings whose parents have unlimited funds, the very least you can do is acknowledge their effort with something more than a number.

One word, assholes. That’s all she wanted. One small anything that she could focus on improving. Screw you and your laziness for not giving it to her.

I had nothing to offer her in the way of encouragement, because I agreed with her. If she wanted to quit tomorrow, that would be okay with me, but she doesn’t. She has goals, hopes, dreams, and at her core, she loves to dance. What she doesn’t love is the repetitive kicks in the teeth she gets with no explanation and I don’t either. Unlike other parents, I don’t blame politics, I don’t blame her teacher, and I don’t blame you for placements. I do blame you for writing her off because you haven’t seen her in an international competition like many of those she competes against. I especially blame you for leaving her in the same place she was before this competition and the one before and the one before that, because you can’t be bothered to write one single thing in the comments area. Screw you for that.

Technorati Tags: irish dance, competition

This is so sad. Yesterday there was a shooting at a middle school about 5 miles up the road. The victim, Lawrence King, has been declared brain dead.

Police said it appeared to be an isolated incident between the two students. The students apparently had an ongoing dispute, including an argument Monday, other students said.

The shooting happened during a first-period English class meeting in the school’s computer lab. About two dozen students and their teacher had walked to the lab, where one of the eighth-graders then shot a classmate, said Jerry Dannenberg, superintendent of the Hueneme School District.
- Ventura County Star 2/13/08

From the comments on the Star and reports on KEYT.com, it appears that the victim was homosexual and transgender. I don’t always take comments like that seriously, but it seems as though there’s enough consensus about it across the spectrum of comments made, from trolls to students at the school, to students who actually saw the incident, that there’s at least a little bit of truth in it. The boys were 15 and 14, and the shooter lived with his grandparents. Despite the immediate tendency of many in this little conservative, nasty racist enclave to make this an issue about hispanics, illegal immigration, and gangs, it looks like the shooter was a big, tall, 14-year old white kid with enough homophobia in his heart to find a gun and use it. I can’t help wondering where he had to dig in his soul to find such a dark place.

KEYT reports that the victim, Lawrence King (age 15), lived at Casa Pacifica, a residential care facility for neglected, abused and at-risk children. The alleged shooter (identified by witnesses), Brandon McInerny, is 14 years old and lived with his grandfather, who “had no idea where his grandson might have gotten a gun”, and that he had “no idea why he would do something like this” because he’s “a good kid”.

Um, I feel for the grandfather a lot, but this may well be a case of ‘raising up a child in the way he [will] go’.

On Monday, the suspect allegedly told a female friend that the victim was “having his last day,” said language arts teacher Carol Short. The friend is a student in her class. During the lockdown, the friend was overwhelmed with guilt because she hadn’t told anyone about the comment, Short said.

Short said the suspect used to be in her honors English class. She did not identify him but said he was “a bright kid.”
- VC Star 2/13/08

Not too long ago I wrote about how angry it made me to see what I perceived to be narrow minded homophobic petitions sitting in my church lobby, appealing to members to repeal the recent amendments to equal rights laws in California. Although I believe they should amend the language to be much more specific, one of the areas that was addressed was violence and discrimination toward LGBT students in schools. And of course, the central argument for this sick petition was that transgendered boys would have the right to use the girls’ restroom and vice versa. I believed then and I believe today that the argument is a thin disguise, hiding the fear and homophobia that has risen up out of the churches into their communities. Whether or not Brandon McInerney was exposed to the kind of hate speech that I’ve heard coming out of some people when it comes to the entire LGBT issue, he surely heard it, because out here, it’s everywhere.

I am so sorry for the family of Lawrence King, and the teacher who had to watch her student be shot right in front of her, and the students who had to witness such an atrocity. My prayers and condolences go out to them. But for those who created the hate that lived in Brandon McInerney, I hope they come to terms with their own participation in his guilt. This was a hate crime, plain and simple, and those who taught him that hate should be held to account right alongside him.

Technorati Tags: school shooting, LGBT, homophobia, hate crimes, crime, legal, Port Hueneme, EO Green, Lawrence King, Brandon McInerney

Picking up DG from school today, thinking to myself that I was grateful it was Friday and wondering how the week had gone so fast and left me feeling so slammed by the end. Throwing herself in the car in a huff, she explains thus: “I cannot believe how STUPID some people can be. They just spout off what they heard on the news like it was fact without bothering to read or learn anything. Grrrrr.”

If every hair could have stood on end in all its curly glory to indicate her anger, they would have. I could almost see those tinges of red she’s got in it glowing. And because she’s at the glorious age where she actually likes to talk about what went on, I got the whole story about the political debate in PE class. As she told it in her own words, it occurred to me that really, it was a story all of us should read and pay attention to. Not because she was so absolutely right, or because she conducted herself so absolutely well, but because she gave me a glimpse of what the kids — the ones who really will be the ones affected by our choices today — are thinking and hearing. I asked her to guest-blog it over on the political blog, which she did, after posting it on her own blog, too. I hope you’ll take some time and read it and leave her a comment. I’m biased, but I was impressed with not just the dialogue, but the thoughts she had behind it, thoughts she describes as “the eyes of the voices that do not yet register as important.” Here’s a teaser for you:

Dear God, someone shoot me now so I can stop listening to this. “Are you kidding me!” It occurs to me that the people I’m standing next to all have no older brothers. “You don’t get it, you don’t get how serious this is, dude people are dying, DYING, over there and you’re joking about it–”

…damn, I wish I had her gift for writing out dialogue verbatim. That must be a gift that comes with NOT having ADHD.

But beyond the opinion and the conflict, there’s this: Most of the kids she was sparring with were parroting the opinions of their parents and the nightly news. We live in a very, very conservative area here. We are one of the true pockets of conservative politics. Despite the fact that neighborhoods less than five miles away are largely the domain of immigrant farm workers and the disadvantaged, here in our little slice of suburbia, we have manicured lawns, neatly planned housing tracts, and lots of overprotective parents who really have bought into the culture of fear, and lots of parents say things that they don’t expect their kids to pay much attention to, but the fact is, they ARE paying attention and they are forming their own outlook for the time in the not-too-distant future when they fill out their own voter registration.

If nothing else comes out of this year’s election, I hope the level of discourse improves, and the Rush Limbaughs, Bill O’Reillys and yes, the Keith Olbermanns tone down how they say the things they say, and parents consider that the tone they use when speaking of those who disagree does resonate with their kids.

Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

She’d love your comments. I hope you ‘ll leave some. Oh, and I hope she continues to lean toward being a Democrat, because she’d be a formidable debate opponent.

Technorati Tags: parenting, politics, opinion, debate, discourse, future voters

I come home from work and turn toward the garage only to find Sticks’ car parked behind it. Have to get Sticks, make him move the car, park the Prius, close the door, so he can then park behind it again so that I can’t get out to take the daughter to dance class. Make him drive.

Ask him how his work/school day was, get the answer “Fine.” I dare to ask if he’s finalized his speech class which he had and then had to bump when he was drafted into an Improv class at the same time. I get the one-grunt answer which means to shut up and mind my own business and don’t dare ask again. Nervy of him.

Sticks leaves for 7pm rehearsal after a two-word dinner. Eldest asks us if we’ve heard that Sticks is going to get collaborative credit and $$$ for two book projects he’s been working on. Says Sticks told him about it when he picked him up from work. I say no, we only get two-word answers, sometimes just two-grunt answers.

I’m pissed, a little hurt, actually. Am I just the meal ticket and human alarm clock for the deepest sleeper on the planet? I can understand not sharing bad news, but why hold back the good news?

Lately I feel like everything spins out around me and I am the spindle that holds the foundation in its place, just sort of marking time until maybe there’s a place for us to have a life instead of sort of revolving in and out the door to work and back again so we can work some more. Especially when the reward for it is grunty silence and the hoarding of good news, as if we are somehow not entitled to hear it. There’s too much sullenness, secrecy and cynicism around the house right now. You know, like when you feel in your gut that you’re being BS’d every day but don’t have proof? That kind of environment. One that hasn’t existed here until lately. I don’t like it.

Which one of us is cranky?

Technorati Tags: cranky

I’m tired and feeling a bit sick, but what I’m reading about Britney Spears tonight is making me sicker. When she was readmitted to the hospital under the care of a responsible psychiatrist and her father named conservator, I was glad, because I felt like there was the possibility that she would get the care she so desperately needs. Today, she was released from the hospital.

Why? And more importantly, how? Britney’s dad is her conservator. What is stopping him from barring her release from the hospital? Isn’t that the point of a conservatorship? Her parents’ statement confuses me more:

“We are deeply concerned about our daughter’s safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk. There are conservatorship orders in place created to protect our daughter that are being blatantly disregarded. We ask only that the court’s orders be enforced so that a tragedy may be averted.”

I’ve been critical in the past of the passive and somewhat enabling role I viewed her parents as taking, even though I knew that without legal permission, there was little they could do. However, they’ve gone to court and obtained restraining orders, only to see them ignored. How can this be?

Further complicating things, there is the matter of Sam Lufti, her current manager/Svengali, who claims that HE is looking out for her interests. Her parents clearly disagree, and reading the narrative in their request for a restraining order and then his reply in an interview with Us Magazine leaves me wondering exactly whose interests are being considered here. From Lynne Spears’ declaration:

Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdol and Seroquel. He told us that he puts them in her food that that was the reason she had been quiet for the last three days (she had been sleeping.) He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain.

and this:

Britney then said again at some point during the night, “When do I get to see my babies?” Sam answered, “Wednesday. “ Britney then said, “What do I have to do to see them?” Sam responded, “Take the pills I tell you to take.” Britney said, “I don’t like the pills and I don’t like the psychiatrist. Can’t I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?” Sam responded, “If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies.” Jackie then said, “Britney, your parents can help you find a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist needs to get to know you to give you the right medicine.” Sam then raised his voice and said, “Why don’t you get back with Kevin.”

From Sam Lutfi’s interview, there’s this:

“In the depressive episodes, it’s all crying,” Lutfi tells Us. “But in the manic episode, there’s very little crying or sympathy or compassion. She becomes another person. She becomes somebody that just doesn’t care about anybody or anything.”

“The British accent is part of the mania,” he adds. “She’ll stick to the British accent because she becomes comfortable with it… But you know, when the pink wig comes on, it’s getting bad.”

US Magazine also claims as fact that she does suffer from bipolar disorder, something I speculated on last year. But Lufti claims that he has knowledge of what ‘brought it on’. As I understand it (and please, folks with bipolar disorder, correct me or add to the discussion around this), bipolar disorder is , like ADHD, a neurobiological condition that is not the product of a traumatic event, though drugs and alcohol abuse can exacerbate the symptoms. So for Lufti to claim that he ‘knows what caused it’ seems like an opportunistic slap at her family more than anything else.

Here’s another Lufti comment worth noting:

Lutfi tells Us that he gave Britney “a handful of pills” before her parents arrived. “I said these pills are working wonders, they are miracle pills,” he recalls. Spears, Lutfi says, agreed that the meds were helping her sleep.

This is all very confusing. Clearly Lutfi is a bombastic bully who wants to control Britney Spears. At the same time, it seems clear that she does need meds and clearer still that she will not take them without someone to make her do it, just like she won’t stay in the hospital long enough for her psychiatrist to help get her condition stable and on the right track.

After hearing the news of Heath Ledger’s cause of death today, the Britney story seems all the more tragic. Heath Ledger had too many similar medications in his system — powerful medications — which combined to simply stop him from breathing. No suicidal intentions, just too many drugs.

Then you have Britney Spears, who clearly needs some sort of medication regimen, yet all responsible efforts toward making that happen seem to be hampered and blocked by a control-freak manager who is irresponsibly administering sedatives to her while her parents stand idly by waiting for help getting any kind of enforcement on their restraining and conservatorship orders. At the same time, Lynne Spears makes comments that concern me as well, such as the one I quoted above. The reason it concerns me is because she seems very anti-medication at all, which is surely as irresponsible as Lufti’s “grind-’em-up-and-put-her-to-sleep” technique.

The very public struggle for Britney Spears’ life and mental health exposes some real holes in our health care system, particularly in the area of mental health. How can it be that the court has appointed a conservator to oversee her affairs and well-being, only for her to be released in the middle of a two-week hold in what is clearly an agitated and unstable condition? The only way I can see it is if she signed herself out, which I would think a conservatorship would prevent. Did the hospital have a copy of the order? According to this article, maybe not.

As conservator, her father will have the power to “restrict visitors,” have around-the-clock security for Spears and have access to all medical records, Goetz said. It was unclear whether the court gave her father the power to make medical decisions on Spears’ behalf; even if that was granted, the role can be limited.

Conservators can consult with doctors on medication options, but the patient can refuse. Only in emergencies can someone be forcefully treated. Otherwise, a court hearing must be scheduled to hammer out the issue.

“Being a conservator does not give them the power to force medication,” said Nancy Kincaid, a spokeswoman with the California Department of Mental Health.

It would appear that while her father has the power to restrain Lutfi, he cannot force Britney to remain in the hospital or under doctor’s care. Nor can he force her to comply with doctor’s orders. That is a good thing in general, but I don’t think it is for Britney Spears right now. She is clearly incapable of making rational decisions, and is surrounding herself with people who don’t appear to care about her well-being as much as they do their own control base.

As a parent, it’s hard for me to imagine how I’d feel if I had to stand idly by and watch my adult child hurtle down the path to destruction or death, yet that seems to be what is happening here. While Britney Spears must be the most public example of this, I believe there are parents who are dealing with situations similar to hers, and even worse, without the ability to help their adult child overcome the disabling aspects of their mental illness. My heart and prayers go out to them, and the Spears family.

Related:

• Bipolar Britney?
• Britney Spears: Possible 72-Hour Hold?

Technorati Tags: Britney Spears, Heath Ledger, celebrity, Sam Lutfi, bipolar, medications, health, family, parenting, intervention