Picking up DG from school today, thinking to myself that I was grateful it was Friday and wondering how the week had gone so fast and left me feeling so slammed by the end. Throwing herself in the car in a huff, she explains thus: “I cannot believe how STUPID some people can be. They just spout off what they heard on the news like it was fact without bothering to read or learn anything. Grrrrr.”

If every hair could have stood on end in all its curly glory to indicate her anger, they would have. I could almost see those tinges of red she’s got in it glowing. And because she’s at the glorious age where she actually likes to talk about what went on, I got the whole story about the political debate in PE class. As she told it in her own words, it occurred to me that really, it was a story all of us should read and pay attention to. Not because she was so absolutely right, or because she conducted herself so absolutely well, but because she gave me a glimpse of what the kids — the ones who really will be the ones affected by our choices today — are thinking and hearing. I asked her to guest-blog it over on the political blog, which she did, after posting it on her own blog, too. I hope you’ll take some time and read it and leave her a comment. I’m biased, but I was impressed with not just the dialogue, but the thoughts she had behind it, thoughts she describes as “the eyes of the voices that do not yet register as important.” Here’s a teaser for you:

Dear God, someone shoot me now so I can stop listening to this. “Are you kidding me!” It occurs to me that the people I’m standing next to all have no older brothers. “You don’t get it, you don’t get how serious this is, dude people are dying, DYING, over there and you’re joking about it–”

…damn, I wish I had her gift for writing out dialogue verbatim. That must be a gift that comes with NOT having ADHD.

But beyond the opinion and the conflict, there’s this: Most of the kids she was sparring with were parroting the opinions of their parents and the nightly news. We live in a very, very conservative area here. We are one of the true pockets of conservative politics. Despite the fact that neighborhoods less than five miles away are largely the domain of immigrant farm workers and the disadvantaged, here in our little slice of suburbia, we have manicured lawns, neatly planned housing tracts, and lots of overprotective parents who really have bought into the culture of fear, and lots of parents say things that they don’t expect their kids to pay much attention to, but the fact is, they ARE paying attention and they are forming their own outlook for the time in the not-too-distant future when they fill out their own voter registration.

If nothing else comes out of this year’s election, I hope the level of discourse improves, and the Rush Limbaughs, Bill O’Reillys and yes, the Keith Olbermanns tone down how they say the things they say, and parents consider that the tone they use when speaking of those who disagree does resonate with their kids.

Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

She’d love your comments. I hope you ‘ll leave some. Oh, and I hope she continues to lean toward being a Democrat, because she’d be a formidable debate opponent.

Technorati Tags: parenting, politics, opinion, debate, discourse, future voters

I come home from work and turn toward the garage only to find Sticks’ car parked behind it. Have to get Sticks, make him move the car, park the Prius, close the door, so he can then park behind it again so that I can’t get out to take the daughter to dance class. Make him drive.

Ask him how his work/school day was, get the answer “Fine.” I dare to ask if he’s finalized his speech class which he had and then had to bump when he was drafted into an Improv class at the same time. I get the one-grunt answer which means to shut up and mind my own business and don’t dare ask again. Nervy of him.

Sticks leaves for 7pm rehearsal after a two-word dinner. Eldest asks us if we’ve heard that Sticks is going to get collaborative credit and $$$ for two book projects he’s been working on. Says Sticks told him about it when he picked him up from work. I say no, we only get two-word answers, sometimes just two-grunt answers.

I’m pissed, a little hurt, actually. Am I just the meal ticket and human alarm clock for the deepest sleeper on the planet? I can understand not sharing bad news, but why hold back the good news?

Lately I feel like everything spins out around me and I am the spindle that holds the foundation in its place, just sort of marking time until maybe there’s a place for us to have a life instead of sort of revolving in and out the door to work and back again so we can work some more. Especially when the reward for it is grunty silence and the hoarding of good news, as if we are somehow not entitled to hear it. There’s too much sullenness, secrecy and cynicism around the house right now. You know, like when you feel in your gut that you’re being BS’d every day but don’t have proof? That kind of environment. One that hasn’t existed here until lately. I don’t like it.

Which one of us is cranky?

Technorati Tags: cranky

I’m tired and feeling a bit sick, but what I’m reading about Britney Spears tonight is making me sicker. When she was readmitted to the hospital under the care of a responsible psychiatrist and her father named conservator, I was glad, because I felt like there was the possibility that she would get the care she so desperately needs. Today, she was released from the hospital.

Why? And more importantly, how? Britney’s dad is her conservator. What is stopping him from barring her release from the hospital? Isn’t that the point of a conservatorship? Her parents’ statement confuses me more:

“We are deeply concerned about our daughter’s safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk. There are conservatorship orders in place created to protect our daughter that are being blatantly disregarded. We ask only that the court’s orders be enforced so that a tragedy may be averted.”

I’ve been critical in the past of the passive and somewhat enabling role I viewed her parents as taking, even though I knew that without legal permission, there was little they could do. However, they’ve gone to court and obtained restraining orders, only to see them ignored. How can this be?

Further complicating things, there is the matter of Sam Lufti, her current manager/Svengali, who claims that HE is looking out for her interests. Her parents clearly disagree, and reading the narrative in their request for a restraining order and then his reply in an interview with Us Magazine leaves me wondering exactly whose interests are being considered here. From Lynne Spears’ declaration:

Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdol and Seroquel. He told us that he puts them in her food that that was the reason she had been quiet for the last three days (she had been sleeping.) He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain.

and this:

Britney then said again at some point during the night, “When do I get to see my babies?” Sam answered, “Wednesday. “ Britney then said, “What do I have to do to see them?” Sam responded, “Take the pills I tell you to take.” Britney said, “I don’t like the pills and I don’t like the psychiatrist. Can’t I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?” Sam responded, “If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies.” Jackie then said, “Britney, your parents can help you find a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist needs to get to know you to give you the right medicine.” Sam then raised his voice and said, “Why don’t you get back with Kevin.”

From Sam Lutfi’s interview, there’s this:

“In the depressive episodes, it’s all crying,” Lutfi tells Us. “But in the manic episode, there’s very little crying or sympathy or compassion. She becomes another person. She becomes somebody that just doesn’t care about anybody or anything.”

“The British accent is part of the mania,” he adds. “She’ll stick to the British accent because she becomes comfortable with it… But you know, when the pink wig comes on, it’s getting bad.”

US Magazine also claims as fact that she does suffer from bipolar disorder, something I speculated on last year. But Lufti claims that he has knowledge of what ‘brought it on’. As I understand it (and please, folks with bipolar disorder, correct me or add to the discussion around this), bipolar disorder is , like ADHD, a neurobiological condition that is not the product of a traumatic event, though drugs and alcohol abuse can exacerbate the symptoms. So for Lufti to claim that he ‘knows what caused it’ seems like an opportunistic slap at her family more than anything else.

Here’s another Lufti comment worth noting:

Lutfi tells Us that he gave Britney “a handful of pills” before her parents arrived. “I said these pills are working wonders, they are miracle pills,” he recalls. Spears, Lutfi says, agreed that the meds were helping her sleep.

This is all very confusing. Clearly Lutfi is a bombastic bully who wants to control Britney Spears. At the same time, it seems clear that she does need meds and clearer still that she will not take them without someone to make her do it, just like she won’t stay in the hospital long enough for her psychiatrist to help get her condition stable and on the right track.

After hearing the news of Heath Ledger’s cause of death today, the Britney story seems all the more tragic. Heath Ledger had too many similar medications in his system — powerful medications — which combined to simply stop him from breathing. No suicidal intentions, just too many drugs.

Then you have Britney Spears, who clearly needs some sort of medication regimen, yet all responsible efforts toward making that happen seem to be hampered and blocked by a control-freak manager who is irresponsibly administering sedatives to her while her parents stand idly by waiting for help getting any kind of enforcement on their restraining and conservatorship orders. At the same time, Lynne Spears makes comments that concern me as well, such as the one I quoted above. The reason it concerns me is because she seems very anti-medication at all, which is surely as irresponsible as Lufti’s “grind-’em-up-and-put-her-to-sleep” technique.

The very public struggle for Britney Spears’ life and mental health exposes some real holes in our health care system, particularly in the area of mental health. How can it be that the court has appointed a conservator to oversee her affairs and well-being, only for her to be released in the middle of a two-week hold in what is clearly an agitated and unstable condition? The only way I can see it is if she signed herself out, which I would think a conservatorship would prevent. Did the hospital have a copy of the order? According to this article, maybe not.

As conservator, her father will have the power to “restrict visitors,” have around-the-clock security for Spears and have access to all medical records, Goetz said. It was unclear whether the court gave her father the power to make medical decisions on Spears’ behalf; even if that was granted, the role can be limited.

Conservators can consult with doctors on medication options, but the patient can refuse. Only in emergencies can someone be forcefully treated. Otherwise, a court hearing must be scheduled to hammer out the issue.

“Being a conservator does not give them the power to force medication,” said Nancy Kincaid, a spokeswoman with the California Department of Mental Health.

It would appear that while her father has the power to restrain Lutfi, he cannot force Britney to remain in the hospital or under doctor’s care. Nor can he force her to comply with doctor’s orders. That is a good thing in general, but I don’t think it is for Britney Spears right now. She is clearly incapable of making rational decisions, and is surrounding herself with people who don’t appear to care about her well-being as much as they do their own control base.

As a parent, it’s hard for me to imagine how I’d feel if I had to stand idly by and watch my adult child hurtle down the path to destruction or death, yet that seems to be what is happening here. While Britney Spears must be the most public example of this, I believe there are parents who are dealing with situations similar to hers, and even worse, without the ability to help their adult child overcome the disabling aspects of their mental illness. My heart and prayers go out to them, and the Spears family.

Related:

• Bipolar Britney?
• Britney Spears: Possible 72-Hour Hold?

Technorati Tags: Britney Spears, Heath Ledger, celebrity, Sam Lutfi, bipolar, medications, health, family, parenting, intervention

I love the internet — there’s something new every day. I cannot believe that I’ve never heard of Letterboxing before today! Thanks, Ann-Marie!

When I was a kid, I loved treasure hunts. Even today, we create treasure hunts at Christmas for the ‘big presents’ for kid and adult alike, and one of my all-time favorite games ever was Zork, the adventure game that was nothing more than a virtual treasure hunt. Letterboxing is the best of both worlds — virtual AND real-world treasure hunting.

Here’s a brief explanation of what it is:

Letterboxing is an intriguing pastime combining artistic ability with delightful “treasure-hunts” in beautiful, scenic places that the whole family can enjoy. Participants seek out hidden letterboxes by following clues, and then record their discovery in their personal journal with the help of a rubber stamp that’s part of the letterbox. In addition, letterboxers have their own personal stamps which they use to stamp into the letterbox’s logbook.

Here’s how it works: You can go to sites like Atlas Quest and search in a specific area — by zip code, intersection, landmark, etc. From those results, you’ll be given a “clue”, which gives a general location and some specific instructions. Once you’ve found the letterbox, you leave your stamp in the letterboxer’s logbook and stamp your own logbook with the letterboxer’s stamp.

Now imagine combining this with photowalking and getting a group around it! How fun would THAT be? I did find a few Facebook groups around letterboxing as well as what looks like a new Ning group. It’s something you can do anywhere there is a nearby letterbox — so when we travel to a feis or competition, DG and I could explore by doing this, too.

We’re planning to start next weekend…if you have letterboxing stories, post them in the comments. I’d love to hear about others doing this.

Technorati Tags: letterbox, travel, social networks, hikes, day trips, fun

Recess, defined:

a. A temporary cessation of the customary activities of an engagement, occupation, or pursuit.
b. The period of such cessation. See Synonyms at pause.

Courtrooms take a recess to give everyone a break and some time to move around. Sometimes just the jury is given a recess so that the lawyers and judge can hammer out an issue they disagree on. Congress takes a recess, usually leaving undone work on the table that affects the entire country. Strike negotiators take a recess, so that both parties can cool down and figure out a way to come back to the table and strike a deal. The one common thread in all these recesses is this: Parties are left to their own devices as a time-out from structured activities. So what gives with the genius in Connecticut who has decided he’s the King of Recess in school?

From the NY Times (free registration required):

Children at the Oakdale School here in southeastern Connecticut returned this fall to learn that their traditional recess had gone the way of the peanut butter sandwich and the Gumby lunchbox.

No longer could they let off their youthful energy — pent up from hours of long division — by cavorting outside for 22 minutes of unstructured play, or perhaps with a vigorous game of tag or dodgeball. Such games had been virtually banned by the principal, Mark S. Johnson, along with kickball, soccer and other “body-banging” activities, as he put it, where knees — and feelings — might get bruised.

Instead, children are encouraged to jump rope, play with Hula Hoops or gently fling a Frisbee. Balls are practically controlled substances, parceled out under close supervision by playground monitors.

If I’m reading this right, this principal has decided that our widdle babies might get a bruise or bang on their widdle knees by playing hard, so he’s decided to control the few minutes that kids have to be kids by doling out balls to a chosen few and encouraging the rest to take the safe route on a jumprope or hula hoop? In my best John Stossel voice, “Gimme a BREAK!”.

Even more than that, it seems that Mr. Johnson believes that competitive activities are somehow detrimental to kids. Anyone reading this blog regularly knows that I not only believe in competitive activities, I encourage them, in areas where my kids feel competitive. What better time of life to learn to be competitive while being friends, to learn to be your very, very best and reap some reward for that, to understand that being competitive is a part of adult life that they’d better learn now, than in school? Games and activities at this age teach kids how to compete with friends and stay friends, how to handle disappointment, how to be a graceful loser and how to be a graceful winner.

Finally, after a lot of outcry by parents, Mr. Johnson “relaxed” his standards. According to the NY Times article again,

At Oakdale, Mr. Johnson finally relaxed some prohibitions after a parade of parents complained. Now, twice a week when a parent or grandparent is present, fourth and fifth graders are allowed to play a modified version of kickball as long as the score is not kept. Many parents are still not satisfied, however, saying that such coddling fails to prepare children for adulthood.

CLS at Classically Liberal says this:

Johson, with all of five years experience as a petty bureaucrat, wants to undo a tradition of hundreds of years. During their free time children play. And they play quite spontaneously. They don’t need the moronic class of petty officials to structure their play for them. If it is structured it isn’t play. Johnson just drones about how: “We’re really responsible for what kinds of people these kids will be…”

Well, yeah. We are. And sheltering them from the realities that all of us face daily is not going to produce the kind of person that will become much.

Mr. Johnson sounds like someone who got picked last for the teams he played on. Hey, DG can relate. By her own admission, she’s a sucky volleyball and basketball player (might have to do with the fact that she’s 4′ 11″), and is pathetic when it comes to kickball, too. But here’s the interesting part — because of her dance background and competition in that arena, she’s fine with being picked last for that team, because she knows she’ll be picked first for dance teams, and she knows she’s really, really good at dance. So her weakness is acknowledged and she’s happy to get out of the way and let the better players take the glory and the win, picked last and staying in the background. Does anyone think her confidence came because I sheltered her from competition and disappointment?

As much as I might have disliked the premise of the recently-concluded Kid Nation reality show on CBS, I do think that Nancy Davis’ final observations on the show apply here:

• Kids, left to their own devices, will actually behave like kids.
• Not unlike life in camp bunks, kids find ways to get along, weed out the dissenters, acknowledge those who make a positive contribution, and make friends in the process.
• Natural leaders rise to the top; survival of the fittest is alive and well.

Indeed. Mr. Johnson needs a few lessons in this area from the kids, who are somehow able to deal with recess better than he.

Technorati Tags: recess, parenting, education, school, Connecticut, New York Times

Nor am I a “hostage”. Calling children who have psychiatric and neurobehavioral disorders “hostages” is insulting and offensive. Like Katherine, I have to wonder what the hell they were thinking. This ad is utterly offensive. It emphasizes all the negative, none of the positive.

My first thought was that the NYU Child Study Center had been handed off to the Scientologists. If you’re offended by the intentional exploitation of disorders like ADHD, autism, Asperger’ s Syndrome, depression and other childhood psychiatric disorders, sign the petition.

Here’s their justification for the shock-jock campaign:

“Ransom Notes” may be shocking to some, but so are the statistics: suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people ages 15 to 24, and serious emotional problems affect one out of 10 young people, most of whom do not get help. The strong response to this campaign is evidence that our approach is working. We understand the challenges faced by individuals with these disorders and their families. We hope to both generate a national dialogue that will end the stigma surrounding childhood psychiatric disorders and advance the science, giving children the help they need and deserve. We want this campaign to be a wake up call. Please join the dialogue.

Is a dialogue necessary? Sure it is. A reasoned, educated dialogue. Not making a victim of my successful kid. And you know, some could say that his success can be attributed to his treatment, and I’d agree. But there are other kids whose parents choose different approaches and their kids are successful, too. So let’s talk about what’s working and what’s not, but always, we should be celebrating the gifts that come with the disabilities.

Technorati Tags: ADHD, autism, childhood psychiatric disorders, aboutourkids.org, ransom notes, ad campaign

I want to tell you a story from my own life so you understand why I know that Lori Drew is a sociopath who will step all over others to protect herself. Even though she is protecting her daughter right now, rest assured that her daughter would be treated the same way she’s treated Megan Meier if Lori were threatened by her daughter’s actions.

When I was a junior in high school and my brother was still in elementary school, my father began a public affair with a woman with many ties back to our family. Her husband worked in the same office as my mother in a management capacity and she was the president of the PTA at my brother’s school. Her daughter was a year older than me, her son was a year younger than my brother, and they lived about two miles away. Even though we lived in a decent-sized suburb of LA, it was a place with a small-town mentality in the 70’s. Everyone knew everybody else, and my father’s affair wasn’t much of a secret; in fact, it was no secret at all.

This woman decided she wanted my father. He’d had affairs before but was perfectly happy having affairs and staying married. My mother wasn’t thrilled with it but it wasn’t yet the time where women felt empowered (and she was a career woman, too) to end their marriages and strike out on their own, particularly when they had a couple of kids to worry about. So she suffered. Until The Witch. The Witch would stop at nothing to make our family so miserable that my mother would want to divorce my dad.

The Woman was not afraid of the telephone, and she used it quite often to call and make threats, ordering us to leave so my father would be free, yelling that the world would have been better if we’d never been born, if my mother would just off herself, or if she wouldn’t, maybe The Witch would hurry it along. Death threats from hysterical women were not taken seriously by law enforcement back then, but she didn’t stop with that. The next trick was to call on my parents’ 16th wedding anniversary in absolute hysterics with maximum drama, claiming that if my mother didn’t leave my father THAT NIGHT, she’d commit suicide. My mom was left at home after that call while my father rushed off to prevent her from offing herself.

My father had a job where he would work for a 72-hour straight shift and then be home for 4 days. During those times that he was working, The Witch would call at all hours of the night, hysterical and drunk, escalating the threats toward me, my brother and my mother. She started rumors at my school that I was a two-dollar hooker (I was such a goody-goody in high school that it was silly. That rumor HURT.) She got pregnant and had a kid by my father while still married to her husband and he still married to my mom. The people in the PTA gave her a baby shower. The office folks at my high school gave her baby gifts, which she made sure to receive and flaunt right in front of me, telling everyone that Karoli had a bastard brother. It felt like a slap at me even though it should have been a slap at her, don’t you think?

It wasn’t, because she was the darling of the town. She was the cool mom, the one who let her daughter have parties, who name-dropped and knew everyone who was anyone. She talked pretty out of one side of her mouth while talking shit out of the other and spewing it in the direction of anyone she hated. She was the one who everyone thought was awesome because she was ‘best friends’ with her daughter and her daughter’s friends. Yeah, that kind.

My father wouldn’t believe any of it. He kept saying we were lying, exaggerating, trying to make him feel guilty. In desperation, I finally started documenting her behavior, especially the phone calls, which I taped on a handheld cassette recorder from a muted extension. Armed with the proof, I asked him to hear me out with her in the room and really listen to what I was saying. He agreed, provided that I would come up to her house and confront her at the same time I showed him everything.

Stupid me, I agreed. And it was a setup. If I had it to do again, we would have met in a neutral spot. But I trusted him and trusted that he’d listen to me, because usually he would. Only by this time he was so smitten with her that there was no one who could get through, and she was only concerned with her interests and distorting the facts to paint herself as a victim while victimizing everyone around her. So I walked up to her front door, rang the doorbell, and as I did, two uniformed policemen stepped out from behind the entryway and escorted me off the property while my father and The Witch watched from the window. After they handcuffed me and made me stand in front of the house for 15 or so minutes “to teach me a lesson”, they removed the handcuffs and “let me go this time”, provided that if I set foot on her property again, I would be charged with trespassing and disturbing the peace. They condescendingly explained that the only reason they weren’t arresting me then was because The Witch had asked them to ‘go easy on me’ this time, but they were aware of all of the trouble I had made for her. In one fell swoop, she sent a powerful message — she had control and I damn well better not step out of line again. I didn’t. It took me a very long time to forgive her for her sick games and she is never, ever to be trusted again.

In my seventeen-year-old hurt and confused mind, I understood that The Witch would stop at nothing to: a) separate him from his family; and b) protect her own reputation and self-interest no matter what it cost anyone else, because no one else mattered. Only her. Only what she wanted.

She knew I hadn’t done anything to her. She knew what she was doing to us. She had the friends in the right places (she’d been a private investigator once) to make sure that she turned everything around on me. Humiliation was her stock in trade and she used it like a whip to hold me in line.

They are still together. They deserve each other. She got what she wanted, because I also understood that my own survival depended upon me severing all ties with him as long as he was with her. They are both sick, but my victory is that I’m not, and my family is protected from her nasty, ugly, sick, perverted lying, manipulative ways.

Now you understand my bias, and keep it in mind as I talk about Lori Drew and why I believe the post on the “MeganHadItComing” blog is legitimately hers, and why I believe it reveals the depth of her need to paint herself as the victim by taking her indefensible acts and turning them back on the real victims.

Tactic #1: Make yourself the victim of the same scheme you used to victimize, or…repay evil with evil.

The first inkling that Lori Drew is in full-tilt self-justification mode comes when she talks about the events leading up to Megan’s first banning from MySpace by her parents. Megan was not conducting herself in an above-board fashion the first time around — she was pulling middle school stuff, and she made a fake profile to use against another classmate on MySpace. After her parents discovered it and took her access to MySpace away, Lori claims that Megan orchestrated a MySpace attack on her daughter through friends, since Megan no longer had her own access.

All of this may be true. It would support the fact that Megan had lost access and only recently had it returned at the time of the Josh incident. It could also support the issues that led the Meiers to have her switch to a different school. I said before and I’ll say again, that drama abounds among 13-year old girls, and meanness is part of that equation. It happens face-to-face and it happens in cyberspace. It’s an age old thing. More evidence of that? The success of the Can I Sit With You? project, created for adults to share their own stories of middle school angst and how they coped in the hopes of helping kids in the middle of it get some perspective on their own situations. Being 13 can suck, especially if you have social, weight, and depression issues. So I believe it’s entirely possible that Megan Meier did everything Lori Drew describes, up to this point.

It’s the progression that bothers me. As Drew goes on to tell the story, more of the true feelings start to bubble up in the language she uses. She begins by paying lip service to Megan’s ‘condition’, but then look at the words she uses to describe her:

Now I had nothing but sympathy for Megan’s condition. But my sympathy has limits. When you come after my daughter and try to hurt her like that, my patience wears out. This troubled child was no longer able to poison my baby in person, so she decided to reach out on the Internet to do it instead. Like any parent, when you see the ill-behaved child next door causing trouble for your family, you want to wring the neck of the parents who let it happen. But, as Megan’s parents made it clear earlier, they were not about to come down on their precious Megan. I had no recourse with them. And, forbidding the children from seeing each other was not effective because Megan could simply harass my daughter online.

Then, my daughter heard that Megan was lobbying her parents to get her MySpace back. I was instantly terrified. That little monster was a tremendous poison for my daughter as-is.

Permit me to paraphrase in real language: That bitch attacked my precious, and I want to beat the shit out of her in person. Or her parents. But since that wasn’t an option, I came up with a plan…

The Plan, as she outlines it is interesting. She says this:

We didn’t totally know what we were doing with the Josh Evans persona, or where it would lead, so I kept it quiet. We did our best to shmooze Megan into opening up. I complimented her pictures and said how great she was. I very gently asked her about her school life and her friends hoping that if she was planning any attack on my daughter that we would be one step ahead of her and could take this evidence to her parents, show them what their daughter is up to so they would finally take action.

Okay. So then it gets hotter and heavier. Lori claims that talk of being ‘in love’ and having ‘makeout sessions’ was purely Megan’s invention. I’m at a loss to imagine conversations where it was all Megan with absolutely no Josh encouragement…if you can, please show me. But really, that’s a red herring. The next genuine red flag is here:

I had “Josh” friend other people that Megan knew all the while so that if anyone else knew of anything that was going to happen, we’d have that much more chance of staying ahead of the game. One of the girls we friended even figured out that the profile was fake. We let her in on it, and asked what she wanted. Turns out, she wasn’t friendly with Megan, either, so she wanted to help. I gave her access to the account.

This is the first real indicator of motives that are really about ‘payback’ rather than ‘monitoring’, because why on earth would you give the login information to someone who is admittedly no friend of Megan Meier and what on earth was she ‘helping’ with under those circumstances?

That’s when I decided I would have to teach Megan a lesson and give her a taste of her own medicine.

Oops, she just forgot that she’s the adult. Lori Drew just turned 13 again and was going to pay back the mean girls. Here’s where it gets disturbing. Again, just quoting the key phrases here:

Megan’s feelings be damned, and to hell with her consequence!

Megan was screaming at Josh for answers on who he had been talking to: she wanted to know who ratted her out so she could take out revenge on them, too. I shared Megan’s messages with everyone involved and encouraged everyone to stand up against her and not take her crap anymore.

I expected a certain amount of bullying, and I was OK with it. I wanted Megan to get a taste of what she had been dishing out this whole time.

And here is where The Witch hides. In the 13-year old Lori Drew, who is so outraged, so incensed, so INVOLVED in her daughter’s life that she is not allowing her 13-year old to fight her own battles (or turning off her access to MySpace), but has now transmogrified into a 13-year old herself who is hell-bent on revenge and payback. She’s gonna show that little bitch what happens when you mess with Lori Drew or Lori’s daughter.

Megan had been punished enough, and I was satisfied that she would think twice before bullying or manipulating anyone again. I don’t know who wrote that “better off without you” message.

I don’t believe her.

Then comes the self-justification:
Their lives were destroyed. What good would it do to inform them that their daughter’s MySpace boyfriend was a fake?
They wouldn’t believe that their daughter was a MySpace bully and a real life manipulator when she was alive, so why add to their grief now?
(or put another way, they don’t see that it’s all their fault that this happened anyway, so why should I admit to anything?)

The final blow: I’m okay; you’re not
Instantly I knew we were dealing with unbalanced people. Aggravated by their child’s death and their own culture of anxiety, I very much feared for my family.
Um…WHO has the culture of anxiety? Go back to the start and read the “poison” comments one more time, Lori.

The icing: I’m right, you’re not, you’re all picking on me…

The final word from authorities has come down that there will be no charges, so I don’t have to remain silent. There’s no point in hiding anymore. The internet has made it clear that mob revenge must prevail, even if there’s no justice in it. So be it.

And there you have it. Not one single line of regret in the entire post for the role Fake Josh played in Megan’s suicide. Not one single line of regret for stepping out of the adult role and behaving like a child. Not one single admission of the manipulative, ugly, backhanded treatment of the Meier family. Only justification and more piled on until finally, the victim becomes the victimizer and the victimizer becomes the victim, making the circle complete.

Danah Boyd writes:

Deceiving children is problematic to begin with, but doing so by tapping into their emotional weaknesses is outright deadly. At a gut level, Lori knew that she could capture Megan’s attention by creating a male character that showed interest. In other words, Lori knew how to manipulate Megan’s attention and emotions. She capitalized on that knowledge, self-justifying it as responsible parenting.

Read her whole post — she’s got a great take on it.

Sick. Ugly. Dangerous. Behavior.

If Lori Drew were interested in protecting her daughter from any attacks, she would have shut down her MySpace account, just as Shelley suggests the Meiers should have done. After all, the girls went to different schools and without online contact, they would move on. If Lori Drew really understood that she crossed a line — a very big line — when she decided that the ‘consequence be damned’, she would have posted the story and at the end, owned her contribution to this tragic end. Instead she cries “unfair! Foul!” and turns it all back on a dead 13-year old girl.

I worry for her daughter. Truly. It’s just a matter of time before she crosses that line again, and she just might take her own daughter down in the process, or teach her to be as manipulative and self-deceptive as she is.

Her parting shot: Here I am, internet. Come get me.

You did a good job of that all by yourself, Lori Drew. I have no desire to ‘teach you a lesson’. You wouldn’t learn it anyway. You can’t. So you join my “Witches Hall of Fame”, next to The Witch herself. You have a great life.

Note: I have no evidence beyond my gut that the person behind the “meganhaditcoming” blog is Lori Drew, beyond my gut and accepting the “confession post” at face value. It’s possible that it’s an invention. However, the dialogue and conversation (ignoring the real trolls) is worth reading, if for no other reason than to understand and identify toxic parents if you should run across one like this.

Technorati Tags: Megan Meier, Lori Drew, suicide, MySpace, cyberbullying, bullying, middle school, parenting, toxic parenting

I don’t know. You decide. There was a trackback link from Right Voices on my first post that pointed back to “MeganHaditComing’s” post that I referred to in my original post about Megan Meier. On Monday, a new post went up on the blog, and frankly it doesn’t sound like it’s coming from a teenager. It is also so targeted, so direct, in its blatant effort to self-justify what Lori Drew did that it smacks of the same behavior she engaged in on MySpace with Megan. Given that she’s been given the “get out of jail ticket”, I’m sure she feels free to repeat the same behavior. Oh, and the police were a bit more specific with the New York Times about why Lori Drew’s actions were not a crime…

But a St. Charles County Sheriff’s Department spokesman, Lt. Craig McGuire, said that what Ms. Drew did “might’ve been rude, it might’ve been immature, but it wasn’t illegal.”

I’d like to ask Lt. McGuire if he’d have characterized similar action by a man the same way. But back to Lori Drew…

The abridged version of the latest blog post:

The Intro: No Blame But Megan’s

When the grief counselor came to our school last year and spoke to us, she said over and over again that Megan’s death was the fault of nobody but Megan.

[snip]

She said it was a tragedy, but something like “there’s no way to predict when or why a depressed person would end her own life. In the end no one but Megan can be held responsible for Megan’s suicide.”

Part 1: My older brother said I should post these

Here’s where things get really weird. Whoever wrote this blog post selectively chose comments and responded to them in her post. Even more strange, her cheerleading responses are written in black on a background that is about two shades off from black, so you’d have to really look to see them. Here are some excerpts:

The Megan Meier ain’t no victim series:

COMMENT: You people talk as if this was a 5 or 6 year old girl who didn’t know better….please. She knew what she was doing. She got fooled this time! SHE IS NOT THE VICTIM. Quit speaking about her as if she was…..So ignorant!
RESPONSE: Good answer!

COMMENT: As any other 13+ year old I wrote my fair share of angst, and I had various comments, including ones that told me to kill myself, that I was worthless, etc. I’ve had people tell me to kill myself, and yet I’m still here. At 13, I was smart enough to simply step away from the computer. I mentioned earlier that I had made a suicide attempt, but the attempt was made due to reasons well beyond what someone said on the internet.
RESPONSE:Smart girl you rock!

The Lori Drew Fan Club:

COMMENT: Lori didn’t tell Megan to hang herself. Lori didn’t put the belt around her neck, didn’t fasten it to the closet. The evidence is scant that it was indeed Lori who sent the message that Megan allegedly found so hurtful.
Yet, there is an internet mob which insists that despite all these facts, Lori is guilty of the murder of Megan Meier. The internet mob has repeatably harassed Lori Drew, to the point where the police have expressed concern. The internet mob has also demanded the prosecution of the author of this blog for unnamed crimes. This is bullshit, and of course I stand against it.
RESPONSE: Jeff is one of the most level headed people here. I think you should read his comments where he debates a psycho mommy bitch (probably Tina) and hands her ass to her! Right on!

The response above, by the way, is one that I find the most telling.

The “I hate anyone who disagrees” series:

COMMENT: It’s quite obvious you don’t know what you’re talking about. Did you even know Megan? If not, you have no opinion worth listening to
RESPONSE: Oh really, Angel? Did any of YOU people commenting here condemning her and me even know Megan? Well, if not, none of you have an opinion worth listening to, according to Angel.

III. The Parting Shot:

So there you go. Megan was a skank who had her myspace pwning coming and when the shallow bitch realized that her trophy bf was fake, and everyone knew it, she went WAYYYYYYY over the edge and killed herself.

No one’s fault but Megan’s.

One final shot links to another blog which appears to be a tit-for-tat retailiation against the bloggers who outed Lori Drew. I won’t link it.

At first I was inclined to think “Troll”. Since I had my very own troll visit to my Lori Drew post, it’s not unreasonable. But that troll would’ve trolled on his own site — he’s not afraid to express himself. I absolutely do not believe the author of this blog post is a teenager. Too much effort to sound like a teenager with giveaways like the “mommy bitch” response. That’s not how a teenager would do it, there are none of the characteristic text-speak abbreviations, and it was posted at 11:34 AM, which would have been during school hours. Blogger and Blogspot are routinely blocked from school computer access.

If it is Lori Drew, it’s just a matter of time before she does something horrible to someone else to ‘protect her precious’. If it’s a troll, the entire blog will likely disappear as soon as the blogstorm has passed.

The reason I’m blogging it? Because my gut tells me this is probably not a troll, but someone in that ‘inner circle’, and given Lori Drew’s lack of hesitance to abuse people on the Internet behind the cloak of anonymity, it could easily be her. That blog post was posted the day after the candlelight vigil that ended across the street from the Drew’s house on the greenbelt. It would be unsurprising that in her narcissistic, hedonist fashion, she’d be going crazy about not being able to respond. What better way than an anonymous shot in the milieu she understands best?

Megan, rest in peace. If it’s a troll, it’ll evaporate. If it’s Lori Drew, she’s just shoveling a deeper and deeper hole for herself.

Technorati Tags: lori drew, megan meier, blogging, internet, web, social networks, web20