Disclosure: Unsolicited ad; shameless brag. No animals or small children were harmed in the creation of this post, nor was I paid or otherwise compensated beyond pride to write it.

It’s somewhat bittersweet to write about this today, given the news that @megapixel, aka Megan Porter, died last week in a head-on collision on a Texas highway. She was 24 years old. She was someone I didn’t follow regularly, but intersected with via others who did. It is a stark and pointed reminder that those words floating up on your screen emanate from real people in real time who get into real cars and might not come back alive. It’s worth keeping in mind. I’d like to think that the last thing I said to someone online or face-to-face would be something kind, or encouraging, after all. Not everyone agrees.

This is Mike Arrington with Robert Scoble in the background at the Building43 launch party on June 11th. The party was in Mike’s offices, and I took this picture as Mike was congratulating Robert on the launch and we all were congratulating Mike on Techcrunch’s 4th anniversary. I have reacted negatively more than once to Mike’s pronouncements about web innovations or services that I value. The strength of my reaction came from the knowledge that Arrington carries the power to make or break these sites with what he says, and my perception that he didn’t use that power wisely.

I had an interesting conversation with Mike at the party. It started with me walking up and introducing myself. We all had name tags, so my identity wasn’t a deep secret. My introduction was brief, gave him my name, reminded him that I had been part of Newsgang, and told him face to face that while I rarely agreed with his tone or his opinions, I didn’t agree with anyone tossing epithets, death threats or spit his way, and he had my support and empathy for the way it made him feel.

It was a brief, almost terse conversation. I’m not certain he ever fully engaged, but I also sense that he isn’t someone who really thrives in social environments where one feels like they can’t fully trust the person standing in front of them. At the end of our conversation we parted with my telling him that having met him face to face, it was unlikely that I would be as quick to judge what he said or how he said it, because once there is a voice and a demeanor to go alongside the face on the avatar, 2 dimensions become 3, and it is far more difficult to go off at the snap of a word or phrase. An interesting coda to that conversation came a bit later, where he reminded me that I was an asshole, which I denied, but did own the fact that I could be a bitch. (As far as I know, that exchange was completely tongue-in-cheek, by the way)

Then there’s Robert Scoble. Robert is a guy who is completely comfortable in a group of strangers. He may be the exact opposite of Mike in that respect. It’s why he’s so good at what he does, too. He’s smart, engaging, and enjoys the energy of the crowd. He loves community, talking, engagement, and a party.

Seeing the two of them at odds with each other is jarring. Shocking even. Yet, after Mike wrote a post for Techcrunch comparing the real time conversation on Friendfeed to a spreading case of syphilis threatening to rot the community and the Internet as a whole, Robert pushed back, and he pushed back hard. In Robert’s mind, Mike was stirring up a pot that didn’t need stirring in order to raise some buzz around the real-time conference he’s involved with on July 10th. To Robert’s credit, he has made moves toward reconciliation with Mike, but the mobs on both sides of the conflict need to stand down.

Steve Gillmor, earlier today:

We need to fix this problem, whether it’s called realtime or social media, or whatever. We need to recognize that words mean something, and those that are thrown casually or viciously carry the same force as weapons. As a community, we must begin to own that responsibility, to make it clear that disagreement can be expressed without name calling, that fighting for innovation and progress does not excuse ugliness and slander, that we live in a world where news travels fast and emotions faster. We need to own our words, and we need to help each other to understand when we go too far.

Me, on March 27, 2007, with regard to Kathy Sierra:

My question: How can we create communities where button-pushing is no longer the norm, where it is no longer acceptable to be so outrageous, so utterly off-the-wall-outside-the-limit, and where everyone is mindful of the impact a word, a label or a button can have on the community and on the collaboration?

Me again, on March 29, 2007, with regard to the mobs that formed:

Let’s take this out of the context of one person and put it into the larger and longer-lasting context. It’s time to stop shrugging and assume that this “goes with the territory” or should simply be dismissed. It’s time to start actually defining what it means to be self-regulating. When people say that the blogosphere is self-correcting, it shouldn’t have to make that correction after it’s turned to critical mass.

The good news? We do have better tools to handle this kind of behavior today. Really powerful tools rest in the hands of users, rather than faceless moderators. More on that in the next post, but to me, the question has evolved from one of what tools we need to one we can most effectively use the tools we have to promote positive discussion and contribution across this vast plain we call the Internet.

In the end though, it comes down to age-old questions of personal responsibility and ownership. Certain social contracts exist in every community, on and offline. Don’t leave trash on your neighbor’s lawn. Wipe your muddy feet on the mat outside, especially before walking into a house with white carpet. Turn the music down after 10pm. Don’t call your host a douchebag. Remember the manners your parents taught you. Have gratitude for what people do, even if you disagree or suspect their motives. Above all, be responsible with what you say and how you say it.

It really is as simple as that. Really.

In another part of wonderland, homeless families hang back on the periphery of the Farmers’ Market, looking for whatever they might get from the kindness of strangers and merchants.

In a different quadrant, a man and a woman sit at a table outside the entrance with a sign, a jar, some flyers, and a lot of hope. They were the reason I happened to be there this morning. Today was a National Day of Service, and the nearest event to me was a collection for Ventura Foodshare at the Farmers’ Market. The purpose of the service day was to raise awareness and dialogue around health care reform.

I am convinced that if we don’t get out in our communities and start talking to each other like we did during the election last year, we’re going to get an insurance-company version of reform that’s no reform at all. And if we don’t get some kind of serious reform that pushes back on the insurers, we’re all going to be on the street. I mean that. Just look at the stories people tell.

Here in California, the budget crisis has reached the point where Gov. Ahnold is poised to strip those least able to afford it of the meager benefits the state has to offer. This is devastating to some. Here’s an email from a young man who suffered a spinal cord injury earlier this year, with no medical insurance. (He is a friend of someone I know…this isn’t fiction, it’s real)

i’m having issues with MediCal. my disability checks are over the limit for me to qualify for full coverage, so now i have an extra cost of $862 a month… this means i have to pay that each month before they pay for anything. that’s 3/4 of my disability money each month, which doesn’t leave me much to pay my expenses. please pray that i’ ll be able to work something out, because there’s no way i can afford that every month…

That young man can’t work. He is just now learning to use leg braces to compensate for his injury, but that will take months. In the meantime, MediCal has not yet approved his wheelchair, so he has no way to get around. His final appeal:

please pray for the State of CA… it’s scary for me to have to rely on the state for my medical needs when it’s on the verge of bankruptcy…

Yes, it is scary. His story isn’t all that different from so many others. And yet, rather than increase taxes a little bit, our disabled and sick in California may face losing all services and care they currently receive.

Beyond the wonky specifics of health care reform, there is this: A significant block of people in our country do not place any value on community. They are living in a wonderland world where they are the only one who matters, where as long as they have their 3 square meals a day, work for a living, pay as little tax as possible while grumbling all the time about it, where they can demonize “government” as something evil instead of something that can be used for the collective good, they’re happy. The idea of citizenship, of being a group that as a collective whole is greater than the sum of its parts is flatly missing.

In my world, which is not wonderland by any stretch, we all live side by side in a community, and communities see to each other’s needs. In my world, government isn’t simply some authoritarian monolith created to hammer us when we do 70 in a 65 mile an hour zone, but it’s an institution that is intended to help us find our full potential when we’re faced with situations where we cannot.

This stuff isn’t new. I can find evidence of it going back to the Civil War, when it was resolved that widows and disabled veterans should be cared for at government expense. The healthcare debate is hardly a new one — it’s been raging for well over 100 years, with virtually no change to the opposing arguments. The only thing that has changed? We’re in far worse shape than we were even 30 years ago.

Somewhere it seems that purpose has been drowned in a sea of invective and misconceptions. The only pathway I see to restoring it, and a sense of community, is to get out and start talking to people. So I am, not because I want to be right, but because I am depending on the basic good nature of people to overcome that invective and misconception and step back to being a community again.

We live across the street from Constitution Park. In the summer, the park is a gathering place for the community — all ages. There are free concerts, movies, and other events. People gather. They talk. They laugh. They eat. They revel in music and mild summer weather. Tonight Sticks, the Pug, and his girlfriend were there. They came home laughing and full of energy from being part of a larger whole.

That’s the gift of community. The collective energy, forgetting for a few minutes one’s own problems in order to be in the company of others. It’s a good thing, not evil, but for me, it means a sacrifice of time, effort, money, or whatever else there is to give. Right now it’s dealing with the health care crisis. Hopefully in happier days it will be something more compassionate on a one on one basis.

All I know at this point is that I am restless from being at the mercy of the financiers instead of the compassion-bringers. I find myself daydreaming about walking cross-country or something drastic to make the point. The frustration I feel daily at seeing the news media and naysayers reduce humanity to a dollars-and-cents bottom line is growing for me.

Right now, it’s small things, like a morning at a farmers’ market and a contribution. But I’m restless and want to up the ante to something more. I’m just not sure what.

I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!

- Alice (Alice in Wonderland)

It’s hard to believe they’re both gone in the same day. Michael Jackson’s passing is, of course, the more shocking of the two. I had the sense that recent interviews Ryan O’Neill gave were gestures that the end was coming, and that he was tipping us all off that Farrah didn’t have much time left.

It hurts a little to see the press constantly refer to her as an 80’s sex symbol, as though those piercing eyes of hers and finely-honed features were only valuable when viewed in the context of a Charlie’s Angels episode. Farrah’s finest work was The Burning Bed, all the more shocking because she shed the sex symbol image to tell a horrifying story of abuse. If she is remembered for anything, it should be that work. It was a masterpiece.

Michael Jackson’s birthdate is 5 days after mine. We grew up together, sort of. I never believed he was a child molester, though it was clear that he had grown more and more eccentric, imprisoned in his idea of a childhood lost. And damn…he made some amazing music throughout his career. His dance moves captivated my kids…Sticks still does a mean moonwalk.

MSNBC’s coverage of Michael Jackson tonight gave the distinct impression that prescription drugs continued to be a problem in his life, and that they may have been a factor in his death. I hope not. In some ways, I’d just like to think it was time for him to go, and so, he did.

Already, the press coverage has been an exercise in overkill. It’s not my intention to add to that, but at the same time, the passing of two entertainers who are hallmarks of my time and age seemed to be something I didn’t want to overlook.

The old saw about entertainers dying in groups of three seems to still hold. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson…completely different genres and generations, yet all great in their time.

If you want to find some hidden goodness, try viewing it in this size.

Then read this post.

Now is the time for us to step up and control the healthcare reform crisis. That is, unless you want to have some watered-down insurance company-written version that hands all control and power to the insurance companies just like we have now. No co-ops. No compromises. 3/4ths of the voters in this country support the public healthcare option. Don’t let the insurance mullahs steal the message from us.

Besides making the calls Lee Stranahan calls for in his video, please consider other ways to help. Here are some needs we have to get the word out:

• I am looking for a designer who would be willing to do a simple t-shirt transfer design, possibly some sign designs too.
• For those readers in Ventura County, consider joining me on Saturday 6/27 at the Ventura Farmer’s Market to Give to Food Share: Healthy Food for Healthy Families. If you’re not in this area, please go to http://my.barackobama.com and see what events are happening in your area.
• Visit the Twitter Fan Wiki for all government twitterers here: USGovernment. Start sending your message directly to them via Twitter. Call. Write. Email. Write your editor.
• Post your photos to the Healthcare Reform group on Flickr.

Other ideas? Post them here. Let’s get the ball rolling underneath this. Our country, our health, and our kids are depending on it.

I. Where I unload on cocky bank managers

The most recent target of my frustration has been the arbitrary holds on deposits. I had a situation a few weeks back where I deposited a check drawn on Citibank Smith Barney, and was informed that there would be a minimum 7-working day hold. This frustrated and infuriated me, since anyone who works next to or in the financial industry knows it doesn’t take 7 days for funds to turn around. Beyond that frustration was the red-hot anger that comes with a cocky branch manager telling you that there are no exceptions to the policy, a statement that is so false and so utterly in-your-face that it’s almost impossible not to understand how people snap in times like these.

The best was yet to come. Even with the subsidy for COBRA premiums on our health insurance, the costs equal over a week of what unemployment pays. I’ve hung on as long as I could, but finally had to face the fact that I needed to tap some IRA funds in order to make sure we kept things current. For once I thought ahead and took care of the transaction before the funds were needed, but expecting that they could be wire-transferred to BofA.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t. At least, not without a new 10-day waiting period while the wire voodoo between Fidelity and BofA was put in place. (As an aside, I probably could have hard-wired a link between the two in less time. Just sayin’.) However, Fidelity generously offered to overnight the funds at their expense. I was out of town, but took them up on the offer and asked BigDog to make the bank deposit as soon as the overnight arrived, which he did.

Keep in mind, this is not a two-party check. This is a funds transfer. That means those funds are guaranteed. There is no doubt; there is no question. When you transfer funds from one account to the next, the funds. are. guaranteed.

Yet, the cocky bank manager once again smirked his assertion that they “had no option but to place a hold on the check, but the funds would be available in 7 working days”. Yeah, on a Friday he said that. Do the math.

I was ballistic. No-holds-barred ballistic. The kind of ballistic where I could either start screaming or something worse. I opted for screaming. On Twitter. Loudly. Harshly. Angrily. To anyone who would listen. I fired up Twitter search and started answering every single person who was also complaining about BofA that day. You cannot begin to imagine how angry I was. Well, if you were on Twitter, maybe you can.

Oh, one other thing. 18 calls to the branch were unanswered. They sent me to the main customer service line (where nothing can be done because it’s a branch decision) every single time.

II. Where I discover BofA might actually get it

On Sunday morning I received a direct message on Twitter from @BofA_help asking me for my contact info so they could look into the problem.

At 6:30 AM on Monday morning I received a call from the executive offices of BofA. I wasn’t awake so they left a message.

At 9:00 AM they left a second message. I wanted to put together a chronology of what had transpired, figuring I would have to fight to get what I wanted. I was all ready with that on Tuesday when I received another call.

The call was, in my opinion, amazing. The nice man on the other side of the line said that he’d looked at the account, removed the hold, reversed some fees in my other account, and he apologized for my inconvenience.

I am not lily-white here. GoDaddy had tried to renew some domains, so my biz account was in the red. He didn’t have to look at or fix that account. He could have just told me the hold had to stay in place because I was overdrawn there. But he didn’t. He fixed it. The whole shebang.

Not only did he fix it, but he gave me a number to call if I had further problems. He was also extremely concerned about the lack of phone pickup by the branch and promised to look into it. Of course, he may not do that, but leaving me with the impression that he would made a huge difference, especially in light of the actions he’d already taken.

III. Lessons to learn

Obviously, the best lesson to learn is not to have overdrawn accounts. And dagnabit, I try my best, forgetting that paypal or GoDaddy might need some feedings from that account. So the next best lesson to learn is that in situations where you have at least a little bit of a leg to stand on, assert yourself.

With that said, I don’t think screaming on Twitter should be routine. I do think that what BofA knew is this: By responding to my rants, they would establish their commitment to a conversation via social media (something most brands don’t do), and in so doing, could be responsive and could repair the perceptions that many have about banks, financial institutions, and their bank in particular, given the current spotlight on them with regard to bank bailouts.

I also think they understood that my position wasn’t unreasonable. But what truly cemented things for me was the ‘above and beyond’ that was shown with regard to the overdraft fees on my biz account. That was something they didn’t have to do at all, yet they did, which to me is cause to not only give them a loud round of kudos, but also to cement a commitment to continue to bank with them and hope for better times soon. Heck, I might even be driven to recommend them if they continue to respond the way they did.

There’s a lesson here for brands, too. This didn’t start as a conversation with BofA but it became one because they chose to engage with me. They could have simply overlooked my rants and let them dissipate into the larger Twitter void of hour-old tweets and rants. But they didn’t. They actively pursued a conversation and solutions. My specific problem was solved, yes. But they sent a larger signal: they are committed to having a conversation with customers and finding a satisfactory pathway to resolution at a corporate level. That speaks well for the corporate culture, and hopefully will find its way to the cocky branch manager who really didn’t bother with a conversation as much as he handed down edicts.

So, my gratitude goes to them for the effort and the conversation. It makes me happy to be able to write a post where I can give kudos to a brand whose name is not always viewed positively. They get it. They are listening. They’re conversing.

After 14 hours of blog blankness and database wankery, I’m back. However, I did manage to stay up till 5AM trying to restore things, only to have to abandon the effort and leave the front door wide open with nobody home and no furniture, food or connection in the house.

Here’s the problem: I don’t speak SQL. I have never spoken SQL. I’m just a geek with a stubborn need to control stuff, but I claim no formal training or other magical abilities to understand things. I intuit. It is an ADHD quality and one I treasure. Intuition is good. Common sense is good. So to me, when one exports a database, they are simply exporting data. Similarly, when one imports a database backup, they are simply importing data.

Not so. When one exports a SQL database, there are options to include commands like “Replace”, “Insert”, etc. If you do not use these commands wisely, you will see all efforts to restore a database end in large red letters and an error message beginning on line 1 after you have waited for what seems like forever for the import to begin. Trust me on this.

But, I’m back, having ignored my intuitive self and put on my “this makes no sense but I’ll do it anyway” frame of mind. And I’m back with the skeleton of a design that actually seems to work. It has no pretty things yet, like color, style and glitzy little icons. But it will. And they’ll appear in real time, because that’s how this is happening. No cautious things like working on a sandbox server. That’s not my style. I’ll just hang all my mistakes out here for everyone to see, and hopefully maybe we’ll all learn something in the process.

Dang, what a week.