Tara Hunt writes about overcoming the fear of unfamous“:

And I was afraid. I was always afraid. At the rank of 16,500 (I think it was), I was deadly afraid that people would stop reading me, I would slip down in the rankings and nobody would link to me ever again. I call that time my ‘dark ages’.

…when she received this advice…

…blog like you have 2 readers…and the fear melted away for me.

It was so freeing. It was so inspirational. And some of my crazy assbest ideas have sprung from that well of knowledge. The rants came back. The cat-blogging came back (although I don’t have a cat now, my ‘life online’ stories are my equivalent). The ‘I’m a big goof’ posts started to make their appearance. And I love blogging again. I’m afraid no more. I could give a damn if my numbers slip.

Sassymonkey’s musings (at midnight) weave another theme around it:

We look in the mirror and we see our “flaws” but have a hard time saying what we like about our appearance. We can rhyme off a dozen of our failures but struggle to talk about our accomplishments and often only do so when pressed. And even then oft times we do our best to reduce them. “Really, it was nothing,” we say. And when someone does stand up and say “Hey! I did this and it was TERRIFIC!” we quickly get out our bitch-o-matics and bring them down.

Tara’s post clearly illustrates the pitfalls of “fame”, the inhibitions that come with it, the shifted focus. Sassymonkey’s post illustrates the other side — the weird need to minimize ours and others’ accomplishments — the dreaded “bitch-o-matic”. What a perfectly descriptive phrase.

Denise’s reaction to my post on Culture and Celebrity was surprising to me — she read it as an effort to criticize or minimize others’ accomplishments.

Haven’t you ever wanted to meet someone you respected and admired for their work? Haven’t you ever squealed with delight when you were able to meet someone like that? Or have you never felt an attachment of that nature so you simply can’t understand it and so must try and convince others that their feelings are somehow wrong or even harmful?

So Denise’s questions sort of suggest that I took the bitch-o-matic approach. If I did, it was a secret bitch hiding deep in my unconscious that I was heretofor unaware of, because I honestly felt no urge to tear anyone down at all…I had questions and hoped for answers or a discussion (which we’ve definitely been having) She has questions, too. Here are my answers:

1. Haven’t you ever wanted to meet someone you respected and admired for their work?

   Yes. Fortunately for me, I have that opportunity on a daily basis. Some of the people I most respect and admire for their work, their persistence, their ability to overcome, their passion, are people I see, work with and/or interact with every day.

2. Haven’t you ever squealed with delight when you were able to meet someone like that?

   Well, no. Not really. See my answer to your next question for the reason why.

3. Or have you never felt an attachment of that nature so you simply can’t understand it and so must try and convince others that their feelings are somehow wrong or even harmful?

   Failing to squeal should not immediately be cause to assume that I’m some kind of narcissist with a bitch-o-matic in one hand and a need to bury people. How did we make the leap from failing to squeal to convincing others feelings are harmful? I asked questions and expressed a desire for lower heat on the celebrity culture at an event like Blogher. As far as my lack of understanding goes, I’d say it’s less a question of understanding and more a demystification in my mind of the notion of celebrity.

   Yes, there are gifted people who have lots of recognition, even fame. There are other gifted people who don’t. It doesn’t make them less deserving, just less famous. Sometimes “fame” is having the right talent in the right place at the right time — a synergy of time, technology, touch and talent with a large dose of dedication and work included. I don’t squeal for either group, but I surely appreciate what they do. What provokes me about your final question is this idea that the only people worthy of recognition are those already recognized, and to fail to properly recognize them or adopt the acceptable method of recognition (squealing) is to somehow launch an effort to tear them down.

Here’s my final conclusion: There’s a lot of work for me to do on learning to be a woman who encourages and doesn’t tear down others. I may not squeal for you, but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or admire you. It just means I don’t squeal. You might be someone who has an audience of two, but you write or photograph or sing or play an instrument or get in the trenches and help people or organize or are intensely passionate or whatever….I admire you just as much as the woman (or man) who’s in that Technorati 100 list and writes or photographs or sings or plays an instrument or gets in the trenches and helps people or organizes or is intensely passionate or smart or whatever.

I foreswear my bitch-o-matic in favor of fostering a culture of quiet admiration and emulation. After all, isn’t imitation the sincerest form of flattery?

Technorati Tags: bloghercon, women, fame

I could probably have entitled this post the Culture of Community, too, but it really was a crowd and that’s just a bit more descriptive.

ADHD factors into this post somewhat. Not all ADHDers are like this, but I am. I get overwhelmed by groups bigger than about four people at a time. It intimidates me because I hear snippets and strands of things going on but not one single strand. It means I have to pay attention to being inattentive with intention to avoid hearing pieces out of context. Being overwhelmed is exhausting.

Blogher attendees were an incredibly diverse group, if you ignore gender as a factor. Inside the diversity, there were some fairly large groups of like-minded bloggers, including the formidable group of mommybloggers (with a few daddybloggers thrown in), the techie bloggers, and of course, the so-called “A-listers”. There were edubloggers, bloggers for social change, foodbloggers, photobloggers, vloggers (or is it vbloggers? I’ve never gotten that right) and other smaller microcosms of the whole that was the BlogHer community.

I don’t fit into any of these groups. I sit on the fringe of several. This blog touches on so many different topics that there were times where I felt as though a new group of bloggers should emerge called “eclecti-bloggers”. There were times where it felt a bit isolating to not really belong to any specific group. Those were the times where the camera came out. TW said it quite nicely:

I am a blogger. Pure and simple. I am uncategorizable, I am not “JUST” this or that sort of blogger. I don’t feel a dying need to run around announcing that I am a lesbian, just like I don’t run around announcing anything else. Other than the fact that I would really love for you to read my blog and I would love to read yours or that I might already read your blog. That I know I will announce or try to get the courage to announce to anyone I see whether they have kids, don’t have kids; whether sleep with women, men, both, neither; whether they drink Coke or Pepsi; whether they have a high school degree or graduate degree or no degree. I am interested in people. I hope they are interested in me, no matter what category I might or might not belong in today, tomorrow, last year, or this year.

Much has been written on the Blogher postmortems about cliques. Fear of encountering them, techniques to enter them, frustration that they exist, all of it.

Another way to describe a clique would be “a group of like-minded people”. Describing the various groups at Blogher as “clique-ish” implies that they were not inclusive. I didn’t see it quite like that. There was never a time where I felt excluded from any group that I encountered. However, there was a clear “Culture of Celebrity” that emerged in that two day period that I’d like to see diminished.

I touched on this topic in my previous post where I talked about some of the fears expressed around introductions to Heather Armstrong (Dooce). But she wasn’t the only “A-Lister” that was held up in reverential tones on blogs and conversation over the weekend. And I don’t get it. I read many of the blogs that were mentioned because I enjoy them. Not because they’re popular, not because they’re A-listers. Because they write stuff I want to read. Most of what I read are not on the “A-list”. Some are.

It seems to me that there is a tendency toward a “culture of celebrity” that spills over into the blogosphere, and was evident at BlogHer, but certainly not unique to Blogher. That raised a whole series of questions for me (but no answers), so I’ll put them here and maybe you have an answer or thoughts that will clarify things.

Is the need to focus on celebrity unique to American culture or is it a human trait? Do we gravitate toward those who are first, the risk-takers? Most of those “A-listers” are on the A-list because they were some of the first to be doing this and also because they’re pretty good at it. Does the focus on celebrity detract from the overall message or add to it? Do we create celebrity as a defense to keep ourselves from questioning our own skills, motivations, and voice? Is it fair to those we call celebrities or “A-listers” or whatever else you want to call them to hold them to a higher standard than we do others? And if they meet that standard, do we give them the freedom to make mistakes and take more risks? What benefit do we as a group derive by carving out a smaller group and assigning them “specialness”? And is it really a benefit or a detriment?

There will be a time in the not too distant future where the Blogher groups will, by necessity, need to splinter. The Mommy/Daddybloggers are already a force unto themselves and my bet is on them to become the first offspring of the BlogHer mamas. There will be more. This is really a natural aspect to any community– as it grows, it branches.

New leaders will emerge to serve alongside those who exist now. There will be disagreements, philosophical differences, new opportunities and stronger focus. But at the bottom of it, we are all still bloggers who belong to that larger community.

Technorati Tags: bloghercon06, blogher2006, celebrity, culture

1/7/07: Comments are now closed on this entry.

It was so truly fine to run into Donna (SoCalMom) right at the beginning of Friday’s cocktail party. It was a classic example of meeting someone you’ve been reading and commenting on and immediately clicking with them. Totally clicking! I had the best time with Donna and her lovely “[HWSNBN]” (Husband Who Shall Not Be Named) at the party on Friday and then again on Saturday. Sometimes it doesn’t go that way when you meet an online friend in person, so it’s really, really nice to have it happen and in such a fun way. And Donna and HWSNBN….I owe you guys dinner.

Donna, you were so good for my ego, too. I loved the intros to everyone with the “She takes great pictures, you have to see her pictures!” That was such a nice way to be introduced!

On Saturday I was hoping to meet Liz Ditz, but I didn’t have my laptop with me and so I was concerned that we’d miss each other. I needn’t have worried — she was sitting right behind me in the closing keynote. I kept peeking back to be sure I really was right about who she was, and being fairly confident, walked up to her at the end. That was fun! She’s as interesting in real time as she is on her blog and my only regret was that she had to leave to make the nearly 2-hour drive back…I could’ve spent more time with her.

I also got to see Sneadwoman and remind myself to add her new blog over at ClubMom (Use Your Words), Leona, Denise, and at last, meet TW, who is a fascinating person to talk to…not nearly enough time, so we’ll have to do this again next year.

I met lots of new folks, too, and unfortunately am hopeless about names. I did, however, keep cards and will be updating my blogroll with a separate post for them.

Advertisers, take a memo: The Blogher ‘06 sponsors have it right. (Mostly, anyway).

Since I got home tonight, there have probably been over 100 commercials broadcast on the TV on in the background.

I don’t remember one of them. Not the product, the sponsor, nothing, nada. I do, however, remember the sponsors of Blogher 2006, because they made their products relevant. Until Friday, the only car I was considering to replace one of our ancient jalopies was a Toyota Prius. Post-Blogher, Saturns are very much a part of my horizons, because GM got it exactly right. Give us the keys, let us test drive it, and if we like it we’ll buy it, talk about it, recommend it to our friends, give word of mouth/blog the power it deserves. They really got it right and they deserve many positive BlogHer mentions. I hope they sell a ton of Sky cars, and hope even more one of them is sold to me. GM/Saturn gets my vote as the sponsor who got it the mostest. They rocked.

My opinion of Yahoo! increased tenfold, and even Microsoft got points, despite the fact that they chose a completely inappropriate presentation for the keynote. Even if the “MS Tooltime Gals” are part of Windows Live Spaces and fellow bloggers, they were just a little too glib to be taken seriously and not funny enough to make me want to remember them.

The Johnson Co sponsored the closing keynote and made a point of crediting a good number of BlogHers for their help with their upcoming Mommyblogger index. Minti.com gets lots of points for being as friendly in person as they are online. Besides, their t-shirts are cool — great colors. Dancergirl says their name sounds like a really good cake. LOL.

I was intrigued by Blurb.com and the idea of being able to create a book out of my blog or parts of my blog. Though I probably wouldn’t do it with this blog, I’ve been working on a family narrative history for over 5 years and would definitely consider creating a second blog to make into a book via Blurb.

Even though I’d heard of Kaboodle before (via Denise), I hadn’t really seriously considered creating a list over there, but after seeing their presentation I probably will. Box.net is another site I wouldn’t really have considered before, but have ended up finding their service pretty invaluable, particularly with the spiky connectivity we had up there.

On the other hand, while I appreciate the free Trojan I count myself happy not to need it any longer.

While I agree with Scoble’s post for the most part, I don’t agree with his criticism of Mena Trott (Six Apart) with regard to her mention of Vox during her closing keynote. She was asked what in her future excites her; she answered. Personally, I would love to be able to get my mother and mother-in-law blogging, but the existing blogging products require too much HTML knowledge for them. They’re smart women, but it’s outside of their realm of understanding. HTML isn’t as simple as learning to insert code inside brackets — and if they’re writing they don’t want to have to learn a bunch of new rules to pile on punctuation and spelling. If it’s what she says it is, I’d look at it as a platform for them. I’m going to sign up for an invitation to give it a whirl.

Every sponsor I’ve mentioned so far was from memory. I didn’t have to refer to notes or a list or the wonderfully fun swag I brought home in my really roomy swag bag — (wow, that bag even fit my monster laptop!). Other sponsor names I can remember are Weight Watchers Online and Sweet Simplicity, Pluck/Blogburst and Contrex (but they have to change their name because all I can think of is a brand of decongestant).

The reason I remember them is because they put their money in a place where my heart is — not in front of the TV but at a gathering of like-minded people. And then they let us play with their products, test drive them, benefit from them and were extraordinarily generous. This was a risk for them, I’m sure — there are limits to advertising dollars and a group of 700 is not a huge group of people to put a lot of money on. That’s why they get it. They are hoping that we’ll use the power of our blogs and word of mouth to talk about the products they like.

I will. Will you?

Technorati Tags: saturn, general motors, advertising, Bloghercon

12-08-2006: Comments are now closed.

(This is the first post in a series about different facets of BlogHer 2006 — I’m starting from the end and working toward the beginning — it’s easier for me to think that way).

One of the big themes of the closing keynote was dealing with fear - of motherhood, of taking risks with careers, of change, of making mistakes. It was interesting to me to go search Technorati to see what my fellow Bloghers are saying about fear.

Lia, one of the bloggers for the Silicon Valley Moms Blog wrote that she was dreading Blogher in a way because it raised those old memories of being in Jr. High School watching the “IN” crowd from the sidelines. I’ll bet she had a great time and didn’t let those fears get in her way. I know that Jill (one of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog founders) had a great time but she didn’t conquer all her fears because she saw Dooce (Heather Armstrong) but didn’t have the nerve to approach.

Now let’s back up just a minute on that one, because I heard that very same fear expressed by at least six people over the weekend. I read Dooce, but that doesn’t mean I’d know her if I saw her. And obviously I didn’t know her or see her, because I can recall seeing people who looked familiar to me but I didn’t place the name and face together and those name badges were tough to read.

Maybe it’s my background dealing with celebrity clients over the years or something, but I truly don’t understand why anyone would have a fear of approaching another blogger and saying “howdy”, simply because they have a large following. I think it’s great that they have a large following, but it’s not a reason to run the other way, particularly from someone whose writing you enjoy.

I’d say from Dooce’s blog that she’s a pretty down-to-earth real person with little pretense, so why not approach and say “Hi”? If any of you reading this were one of the ones afraid to approach a so-called “A-lister”, here’s my challenge: Before Blogher 2007, resolve to overcome that fear, because it really IS one that you can leave behind with nothing but benefit — no negatives attached.

I literally interrupted Maryam Scoble in the middle of a fairly intense conversation because I wasn’t sure I’d have another opportunity to thank her for her sweet comments on the blog and introduce myself to her. She is as sweet in person as she is on the blog. Meeting her was like a Godiva chocolate: exquisitely wonderful, sweet and memorable even after it was gone. Robert Scoble was flitting like a butterfly with his video cam, so the best I could do with him was to grab a shot of him and his video camera during the lunch keynote with Catarina Fake and Meg Hourihan.

And as I’ve mentioned before, Nancy White and Molly are two of my most admired blogging women. I was lucky enough to be in Nancy’s community session on Friday and then again in the “Get Deeply Geeky session. I bribed her with an Ethernet cable to share her joy at being at Blogher by doing the “Nancy Dance”. Now I just have to meet Molly one of these days.

Back to the fear theme, Ariana Huffington was one of the keynoters and as hard as I was on her earlier this year, I have to say that when it comes to common ground, like fear and life and disappointment and how to deal with it, she was inspiring. I give her grudging respect (I still disagree with her but hey, credit where it’s due) for being willing to take risks, run with her gut, and be a pretty, funny, dynamic live speaker. I don’t like how she plays on TV, but she is very engaging in person.

One of the speakers that just knocked my socks off was Mena Trott from Six Apart. Funny, dynamic, great story, great background, terrific speaker. She is someone I want Dancergirl to look to for inspiration. Impressive.

The quote of the day came from Grace Davis toward the end of the session when she summed up her attitudes toward facing fears this way: “By [facing those fears], I am doing what I’ve wanted to do since I was ten years old.” You go, girl!

There were lots of different areas where I heard people express fear. In the session on “Getting Deeply Geeky”, a lot of emotion came through about frustration by women in tech feeling held down by their male managers and counterparts, and was answered with a call to action to step out and overcome their fears of going into business for themselves. From one who has done that, I hope that each and every one of you come to Blogher 2007 with a story of how the year that passed brought you to that point and past any fears and apprehension you might have. Here’s Nancy’s chart of that session to inspire you:

Here are some that I was lucky enough to meet and/or hear from who are fearless:

Thoroughly Modern Millie, Steve Garfield’s 81-year old mom, has been blogging and stood up in the morning general session to explain that blogging has replaced her usual date with the Boston Globe. She so reminds me of my own grandmother — so feisty, smart, savvy and a great woman! Subscribe to her blog for inspiration about being fearless. She doesn’t talk about being fearless, she just IS.

The kids from Smashcast.org, who I was fortunate to hear twice — once in the Geeky session and in the Group blogging session. These. kids. are. awesome. There is no other way to say it. My particular favorite is feisty Iris Bravo, who would not take “NO” for an answer when cursorily denied consideration for the top high school in the new city she just moved to. She persisted and persisted and wouldn’t be intimidated. She finally was able to get a meeting with the principal of the school who was shocked that she’d been passed over for consideration in the beginning. All of these kids are impressive. They’re smart, savvy, articulate, passionate, and committed to changing the world they live in. They will.

The coolest comment from them? When asked what their parents did to end up with such great kids, Iris answers with “Even when you think your kids hate you, we look up to our parents and consider them role models. You are our first and best role models.” Yes, tear time for me.

There were many more. All of us are conquering fears. For me, being in a crowd of 700 is manageable only for very short periods of time. I was also concerned about cliques, which I didn’t handle well in school. I have always been the person who crossed in and out of a lot of different groups, never “sticking” in one or the other, always just sort of touching on the edges. This was no different for me, and I am not naturally gregarious. But I pushed myself to try to be, because so much of my time is spent online and I’d like to use the bandwidth here to give people something beautiful to look at, inspiring to read, or helpful to them, which means finding my place in the larger network.

Stepping out of my fear box meant starting conversations with total strangers, looking at lots of name tags to find the people who do comment here and starting a face-to-face conversation with them (a topic for a different post), handing out cards to people, hearing someone talk about ADHD blogs in a session and brazenly leaving a card with them — all things that I do not do naturally.

Denise has it right (as usual!) — enter the group, contribute to the conversation, use your voice and forget your fears.

To me, that was one of the main Blogher 2006 lessons.

Technorati Tags: fear, friends, Bloghercon

…but not tonight. I’m still sorting out my thoughts on it. I spent some time today with the long zoom just trying to get photos of the people there. It was such a diverse group of women (and men) with different interests and passions. Because I was too far to read names and because I am so bad with names, feel free to add a tag or comment naming the subject of the photo and their blog if you know them!

(One of my favorites…I spent some time looking exactly like this. “Where am I going, which room am I heading for now?”)

I started a post and managed to close the tab without saving it. It’s too late and I’m too tired and tipsy (yeah, 3 drinks does me in…LOL) to reconstruct it, so I’ll just leave this for you. Have you ever seen so many laptops in one space? 700 women, 700 laptops.